The Unicorn Hair

Yesterday I spent the entire afternoon thinking I was 30 minutes away from being able to Photoshop. Didn’t happen so I did extra today.

I’m lucky in the gray hair department in that I don’t have very many. I’m not opposed to the idea of dyeing but I don’t want to have to deal with touch ups all the time. It’s not an issue now. We’ll see how I feel in a few years.

I have a single gray hair in the exact middle-front of my head, where my horn would be if I was a unicorn. Do you know those stories like where the purse has coin and they spend it and then the next day the purse has a coin? Or they chop down the tree and then the next morning they look out the window and the tree is back out there?

That is my unicorn gray hair. I yank that sucker out and it’s back the next time I look. I’m afraid if I keep yanking it I’m going to have a bald spot where my unicorn horn would be.

At least the other gray hairs have the good sense to grow in the back of my head where I hardly notice them.

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The Gratitude Plant

I didn’t want to make any formal declaration that I would post a project photo every day but that’s my aim. It’s not totally realistic because some of my weekdays are endlessly long (like today) so this one is pretty phoned in.

Co-worker gave me the gratitude plant back in March on the day designated for office people to give the people who keep everything running a plant-based gift and take them to lunch. This plant said minimal maintenance which I thought, Yay. I know I present myself like I’m good with plants but actually my skill is picking out plants that are difficult to kill or otherwise ruin.

The gratitude plant sat on my desk for months and pieces of it kept shriveling up and falling off. Was I watering too much or not enough? The directions said 4-6 weeks but I stuck with a straight 4 weeks. I set up a reminder on my calendar and every 4 weeks I get a note that says, “Water Gratitude Plant, Location: lobby chairs.”

I finally went to the plant website and looked it up and it said it needs a lot of sunlight and if anything, err on the side of too little water. That would have been good information to include next to “minimal maintenance.” There are no windows by my desk so I stuck it in colleague’s office for a couple of weeks but more bits shriveled and fell off so I just brought it home yesterday and put it on a very sunny windowsill.

I can hear it yodeling with joy from here.

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I Found the Letters

When I transferred photos from the camera card for the photo intended for today, I found the photo of my stack of letters that I mentioned a couple of days ago.

I had another story I was going to tell but now I can’t remember. Something to look forward to tomorrow.

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Toes

Goodness. I thought I’d add some other tidbit that I learned to this photo and it was taking too long to remember how to do it. At least I did a selection on a cat.

Also great news, there is another class just for layer masks and selections. Seeing as how it’s only taken me 6 months to get through half the course I’m working on now, I should be masking and selecting like a champion in another 3-5 years.

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Saturation

This is Millie. I tried to practice the Photoshop selections tutorial using photos of cats and met with terrible failure. I did better with Millie. Right now I’m exaggerating the steps to help me understand it better.

My poor little brain has reached saturation on Photoshop for this weekend. I think I need a whole separate course just for layer masks because I’m having a tough time with it.

Did you see this NYT story about the 77 year old lady who learned PowerPoint?

“Suddenly I discovered heaven,” said Mrs. del Castillo de Rumié.

It’s a great story.

I’m going to keep practicing my selections and posting for your amusement.

It’s not warm, but it’s sunny so I’m considering going out and poking around the yard. I think I saw some daffodil nubbins

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Softest Bed Ever

I’m finally working on my online Photoshop class again. I think I crossed the halfway point by now and we’re doing fun things and not just learning to adjust the rulers and change the workspace. Today we’re learning all about the layers menu.

We’ve been in our current office for over 5 years now. At least 2-3 times a month we were getting a letter from Comcast addressed to the previous tenant asking to use their business service. We were using their business service. It would seem that the most basic thing a computerized mass mail program could do is cull out duplicate addresses or addresses that already use the service.

So for 2013 I decided to keep them and at the end of the year take a photo of the stack to show how stupid it was. Except about 6 weeks into 2013, it stopped. So that’s the photo I can’t find is my measly 6 envelopes from Comcast business addressed to the previous tenant.

In other news, have you tried this microfleece stuff for your bedding? Mom bought us microfleece sheets for Christmas and it’s so soft and amazing. Every time I get into bed I have to exclaim about how soft and wonderful it is. I’m going to buy some for the bed downstairs, too.

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Animal Crackers

I can’t find the photo that goes with the story I want to tell so I have to tell a different story.

Over the summer my Dad told me that he’s lost his taste for sweets — or rather that sweet things tasted too sweet. Something like that. Anyway, I brought this barrel of Trader Joe’s Animal Crackers for him, thinking it would be a little treat but not too sweet. I left the barrel when I went home.

Later he told me he really liked them.

When I went back to visit in October, I brought another barrel of Trader Joe’s crackers and when I went into the house, I found this mega-barrel of Costco Animal Crackers already sitting there. Dad said I’d really started something.

There were plenty of animal crackers for all.

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I hope nothing terrible ever happens to me and CSI comes to our house with their little blood finding wand. The first thing they’re going to do is ask Bob why his wife’s blood is all over the kitchen and bathroom. He’s going to tell them that his wife likes sharp knives but is also very clumsy and rarely a week goes by when she doesn’t give herself a big gash. Then she wanders around with a little folded paper towel around it while she tries to finish whatever it is she’s making. They’re going to say, yeah right, and book him.

I did it again last night. And I just poked it and now there are red smears around my desk.

Major announcement: this morning I cleaned my oven.

If you are like me and have an ancient oven that you never clean you probably think that it’s hopeless and no amount of elbow grease and careful attention is going to save your oven. You might be wrong. I used this method and while I wouldn’t say it was easy, it got the job done. I took apart the stove top and scrubbed all those bits and pieces, too. I didn’t do an A+ job but I did a B+ job and once you turn 50, a B+ = an A+. Look it up.

At first I wished I’d done a before photo so I could show before and after. But then I realized I would be putting a photo of my gross oven online so I’m glad I didn’t think to take one.

Normally this would earn me the right to sit on the couch with a bottle of champagne and a box of See’s Candy for the rest of the day but unfortunately, I waited until the very last minute to put away the Christmas stuff. Meaning I still haven’t done it and there are boxes sitting in the living room waiting for my attention.

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Don’t Fear the Alligator Farm

Did you ever have this thing happen where you look at your watch and realize you have a little extra time so you decide, “Hey, I’m going to run and drop off my dry cleaning.”

But on the way over you run into this giant construction project and you have to wait for an earth-mover and finally you get going again and you decide to try this other way that will probably be easier. Except then you get behind a school bus that stops every 25 feet to drop off some more kids. Then you finally get to the dry cleaners but the two short term parking spots out front are taken so you have to drive around the block to find a spot. Then you have to dig around in the bottom of your purse for some change.

Then you finally get into the dry cleaners and Sister Beatrice Mabel Elizabeth is there, dropping off 30 wimples and she needs a separate receipt for each of the sisters. And by now you’re all lathered up because, what the hell? You were just running out to do one simple errand.

But then the opposite of this is when you get a letter from the IRS and for some reason the IRS thinks you owe 10 years of back taxes on an alligator farm in Gainesville, Florida when in real life you owe no taxes, you own no farm, no alligators and you’ve never been to Gainesville, Florida. You spend several days losing sleep and unable to keep food down while googling “Help, IRS.” You ask the question on reddit and then spend hours going through screen after screen of responses that are some iteration of: you’re screwed. You finally start collecting everything you think of that might prove your case and ask around about tax lawyers.

But then, just for kicks you phone the IRS on the off chance there is a painless way to solve this and after three minutes on hold, the person you talk to says, “Clerical error. Your account is fine. Have a nice day.” Then you wonder why you didn’t just do that first.

I had not one but TWO alligator farms today. Everything worked out fine.

Moral of the story: if you find yourself in an alligator farm situation, don’t be afraid to try the easiest thing first. And be super polite.

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I’m FIFTY!

Doing whatever I want today. So far: working on a new story, exercise, and playing with Photoshop. Still to come: hot chocolate and an episode of Scandal, reading my book (The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt, sheesh this is a long ass book) and going to a fancy steak dinner.

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