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Category Archives: doing it wrong
Margarita Pie

This week’s pie was inspired by Sue (Awesome photos if you’ve never seen a saving white sturgeon photo essay.)
I told her I was working on pies and she said she’d had a terrific margarita pie with a pretzel crust. That sounded worth checking out.
Some of the first recipes I found involved stirring margarita mix into Cool Whip and then scraping into a graham cracker crust. I didn’t think I’d learn much from making that so I held out until I found a super complicated recipe with lime curd and frothing egg whites and folding whipped cream. A recipe that would get every dish in my kitchen, except the frying pan, dirty.

I had trouble with it. I get nervous with recipes that say, “mix until just combined” which is why my cornbread always has big flour lumps in it.
In this case, “lightly fold just until streaks are gone.” I was folding and folding and folding and more streaks appeared. By this time I was tired and had a million dishes to do so I finally scraped it into the crust and hoped for the best.

It’s not pretty but it tastes okay. The recipe called for the pretzels (the Madison pretzels, btw) to be ground fine but I think they could be a little coarse. I’m not the biggest lemon meringue fan and this is basically lemon meringue only with lime and tequila added. It’s worth eating and I learned something, I guess, but measuring “how much I like it v. how much trouble it was to make” I would say we probably won’t be having this again.
Two lukewarm results in a row. I need something epic. There should be fresh fruit by the time I get around to making my next pie.
Posted in cooking, doing it wrong
4 Comments
Amazing Secrets of the Gut Bomb

Last night we had takeout Mexican food. I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst indigestion I’ve had in years. I got up once and thought I was okay but Bob started flopping around and I hissed, “Stop breathing on me!”
I had to get up again and got an Alka Seltzer and wandered around the house. I still couldn’t settle down so I thought maybe I could find a movie or something on TV.
You know what’s on TV in the middle of the night?
Infomercials. 500 channels of infomercials.
Infomercials fascinate me because they are so phony. It’s a particular flavor of phony that they all share like they’re made at the same factory from actors who are trained to act the same way. And there is so much talking with so little information provided.
The first one I saw started with a man carrying about 12 folding outdoor chairs which he couldn’t hold on to. Voiceover: Has this happened to you?
Like the only choice was to carry all those chairs at the same time.
The solution? The pocket chair. It’s a tiny little chair that you can fold up and keep in your pocket. How handy!
Except, I’m not a large person and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting in this tiny chair. I bet kids would like it.
The other one I watched had to do with Free Money. Did you know there is tons of free money out there that THEY don’t want you to know about? The government has tons and tons of free money. You can just fill out a form and get your free money. What are you waiting for? The guy who wrote the book is interviewed by an attractive blonde woman who is practically foaming at the mouth because she’s so amazed about all this free money that’s available to anyone, even you and me. The man tells us he doesn’t make any money off the book, he just wrote it as a public service. Well, the mean old FTC doesn’t think his work is a public service.
The book is usually $30 but it was on sale for $20 last night plus s&h which many dissatisfied people on the Internet said added up to about 14 additional bucks. Plus I guess they subscribe you to a newsletter or something and keep charging you. But what about all the free money? Another funny thing is he pushes it like this is a compact book which streamlines the free money getting process. It’s not like all those telephone book sized tomes that show you where to get free money and waste your time with so much information.
I didn’t buy anything but I also didn’t get back to sleep for a couple of hours. Someone should do an infomercial about insomnia.
Posted in doing it wrong, sleepless in Vancouver
2 Comments
From the Notes Stuck All Over My Desk

Office utility room before.
The weather lady said it was going to be 85 today. The first time it’s been that warm here since September 3rd. I cried a little when I read that. I got my new bathing suit out and a tub of SPF 5000, I can just dunk and go sit in the backyard and bake away.
After I watch the soccer game.

Office utility room after.
I have some advice. I think I’ve given it before but I fell victim to this yet again and I should know better. I’m reminding you. Write this down.
Never give a lawyer the only copy of something. Never. Don’t even let him (or her) touch it. Not even if s/he says they’re just taking it back to the office to make a copy and will bring it right back to you. Don’t do it. That document will disappear forever and make trouble for you.

I5 Interstate Bridge
For this week’s pie I tried Coconut-Sweet Potato Pie with Spiced Crust and it did not turn out wonderful. My spiced crust came out doody. I think the graham cracker stuff was a tad stale (my fault) but also the coconut bits give it a weird, unappealing bite. The filling was also, just okay. Of course we’ll still eat it but this will not be going into rotation.

Self Explanatory
I keep a piece of paper and a pen next to the TV so I can jot down things I want to remember later. I live in never-ending fear of forgetting something and I always think of things I don’t want to forget when I’m watching TV. Hence the system.
Of course, the notes are always cryptic and often written in semi-darkness so later when I look at my piece of paper it says stuff like: “make list [indecipherable]” or “make cook and do.” This week I found a note that says “long term plan, do it now.” I guess that’s not going to happen. I’m sure I’ll end up okay.
Last item: my story The Battle of Little Big Science has been reprinted at Expanded Horizons so if you haven’t seen it, now’s your big chance. Editor Dash found a great photo to post with it, too.
Posted in baking disasters, Clarion West, doing it wrong
3 Comments
Hitting the Road

Remember these ancient devices? I still have a box or two in dusty archive cartons at the office.
All my technical devices are charged. I have spare batteries, charging cables and earbuds as applicable. I have a big fat book I haven’t started yet. I have warm socks. I am headed out to Wisconsin to hang out with friends and I won’t be back until Sunday.
Enjoy your weekend.
Posted in doing it wrong
3 Comments
The Stuff That’s Hidden
I have a purse about the size of a mass market paperback book. It’s my going out purse when I don’t want to carry much except my money, ID, phone and keys. It’s the purse I use for soccer games.
Usually I stuff the bag into my jacket and skip bag check. I can’t remember the all the things you aren’t supposed to bring in. But the list is like weapons, sticks, offensive signs and outside food and drinks. Obviously I can’t fit any of those items into my dinky purse so it seems stupid to check the bag.
Last night I didn’t have my jacket zipped and I was right at the turnstile with the guy scanning my ticket when this security lady started screaming, “BAG CHECK! BAG CHECK! BAG CHECK!”
I realized she was pointing at me so I had to take my ticket out of the guy’s hand and go back to the security table where I unzipped my bag for a nice man and said, “That lady wants you to check my purse.”
He glanced in and laughed and said, “Hey, you could have dynamite in there.”
Meanwhile, my jacket had giant pockets which was where I stashed my plastic pants, my knit hat AND MY CONTRABAND COOKIES.

Remember my broken wheel from my chair at the office? Here’s the broken wheel.

Here’s the box from Master Caster. Is that the best name for a business or what?

Here’s the selection. None of them really fit my chair but I made do with one that’s close enough.
Posted in doing it wrong, TIMBERS!
5 Comments
Fast Boring Update

This afternoon I wanted to send a friend a photo of Fonzie jumping the shark in response to the last episode of a show we both watch. When I did an image search, among the many Fonzie photos, it brought up a photo of the two stars of the show I was refering to. HA!
This morning I drove across town to pick up my mixer. It’s all fixed. Yay. And I already put it to work. Then I ran by Lowe’s to get garden stuff. There was a major accident on the freeway north of my off ramp. I didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late and it took a half hour to get off the freeway at my exit, the whole time watching all the cars and trucks smart enough to get off early.
I spent all afternoon in the yard. I still haven’t got the raspberry trellis fixed up. I couldn’t find what I wanted at Lowe’s and thought I could ad lib with something we already had at home but I couldn’t find that either. If I can get motivated I have another idea to try tomorrow.
I’ve got the entire easy side of the yard all put together. The tomatoes in the walls-of-water are doing fantastic. I found a cheeky snail in one of them gorging on the buffet. I put a stop to that. I’ve got peas coming up and lots of other sprouts.
The not-easy side of the yard is a complete disaster. I’ll chip away at it tomorrow.
I just updated my Flickr set with all the Timbers home games so far. Just in case you were missing that.
Posted in doing it wrong, garden
2 Comments
Master of Disaster

The other day I saw Mr. Oranges up in the apple tree digging his little paw around top there. I figured there must be something birdlike in there that he was trying to get into. I tried to sneak out to get photos.
I’ve read a couple of Julia Child related books in the last year or so. I read My Life in France and just finished a book of correspondence.
I’m sure I’ve seen snippets of her shows before, but not for years and years.
In fact, I probably have a better memory of seeing Dan Akroyd do Julia Child.

As soon as he saw me he jumped down from the tree and came over to say, Hi. Later I saw a bird sitting up there looking forlorn. Sort of like, “My wife is going to kill me when she gets home and finds out I ruined the birdlets.”
As it turns out, PBS does repeats and I taped one and Bob and I watched it last night. (There are shows online, too.) It was hilarious.
I very rarely watch cooking shows. I don’t have a lot of excess time for TV and I find it tough for me to watch cooking. I want to be doing it. Or, as usually is the case for me, learn by doing it wrong.
The episode we watched is from 1971, La Tarte Tatin, and I was surprised by how awkward it was. Julia knocking over the utensils and then the Tarte coming out (spoiler alert!) a big mushy disaster which she waves off and tells us how we’re going to fix it. But there is a pause where she’s disappointed that she can’t show us how pretty it’s supposed to look. “What a shame.”

Mr. Oranges feels no shame. I still see the bird flying around there so either the cat was unsuccessful or the bird is trying again or I am completely misunderstanding what’s going on in my apple tree.
It’s nice to know you can still find her out there. I already learned something from that one clip which is that it’s possible to make pastry a lot more casually than the way I go about it.
Posted in cooking, doing it wrong
1 Comment
Chocolate Haupia Pie

I read about this pie in a travel article a few months ago. It’s a specialty at a bakery in Hawaii. I’ve been trying to improve my pie making and I wanted to try it.
I found a recipe here.
I don’t have coconut extract and didn’t want to buy it and I’ve never seen a measurement for chocolate like that. At first I thought it meant powdered chocolate. It also calls for a regular pie crust which I didn’t think would cut it.
I used the crust from Cook’s Illustrated Chocolate Cream Pie recipe: 16 Oreo cookies zoomed in the food processor and then mixed with 2 Tbls of melted butter and pressed into the pie pan. You put it in the fridge for 20 minutes and then bake at 350 for 10 minutes.
For the chocolate I used 7 oz. of high cocoa content chocolate. I’ve read a million articles about chocolate but I still don’t completely get the cocoa content thing. I used Lindt Excellence, one bar of 90% and one bar of 70% because that’s what they had at Fred Meyer.
It came out fantastic. Pretty and good tasting. I didn’t even bother with the whipped cream topping.
Now I’m super full but happy. Highly recommend.
Posted in cooking, doing it wrong
3 Comments
Old News

Remember how I was joking that THE PICTURE was probably going to end up in the stadium somewhere? See that upper right hand corner?
I wrote this post last week but then broken computer blah blah and I never got around to posting it so stale news but this is today’s program.
Status update #1: Yes, still coughing but it’s tapering off. I’ve gone through every pocket, drawer, car storage, backpack and purse and consumed every moldy cough drop and Fisherman’s Friend in this household. Now I have to run out and buy a bunch more to stash in every pocket, drawer, car storage, backpack and purse so it can get moldy and gummy for my next cough.
Status update #2: The last Cadbury egg in the stash has finally been consumed. The Timbers souvenir chest cold was at Mach 5 over Easter weekend and I was unable to consume any candy.

Here’s a crappy close up. I had to buy a cheap-ish pocket camera because I am so hard on them plus the concourse was completely busy so I couldn’t really take an artful shot. Also, you can buy this as a poster to take home. Mother’s Day gift solved! Just kidding. But I am going to buy one for my office.
Last week I had a minor meltdown because I kid you not, every thing we own is breaking. Not just like a broom falling off its handle or a favorite coffee mug cracking. But major stuff that costs money and/or is a pain in the butt to fix or replace.
During Easter Dinner dessert making my Kitchen Aid mixer broke. I thought those were supposed to be indestructible. A whole piece of it fell off into the (not)whipped cream. I hope you won’t think poorly of me when I tell you I said many bad words. I found one official Kitchen Aid mixer repair shop in the area and dropped it off.
While I was in the place a lady came up to me and pointed at the mixer and said, “What do you do with that?”
I kind of wanted to mess with her and say stuff like, “Oh, you know, lasagna, split pea soup, cat food.”
Then my computer died. I said to Bob, if we can just get through 24 hours with everybody healthy and nothing breaking.
Twenty four hours later he came in the house and announced that the lawn mower had died.
I wrote about the broken chairs on Facebook. Short version is I took these chair parts to be repaired and it was ridiculously expensive so I decided to buy new chairs. Then out of curiosity I did some Internet searching and there are replacement parts for the broken chairs that cost 1/2 of what he quoted me to fix it. Now I’m not sure what to do (except never go back to that repair shop). I have new chairs on the brain.
I’m not sure where I was going with this. Some things have been fixed. Others replaced. Others are back on the “list of things to deal with later.”
Meanwhile, our wallets are lighter.
Posted in doing it wrong, TIMBERS!
5 Comments
Everything All Farked Up
So, my desktop computer died earlier this week. Well I don’t know for sure that it’s dead. It’s now in the hands of male people with minimal social skills so I’m not sure where we’re at right now. I’m about 99% backed up and I have a laptop so it’s not like I’m not covered. But I only use my laptop for travel. Word processing and basic Internet stuff. My desktop is all set up for my regular stuff. Like making my photos look pretty and FTPing them to Screamhost.
I knew the desktop was not feeling well and buying new computers is on our list, just not for a month or two. I decided that this weekend I’d make sure that I had all my desktop stuff on my laptop to limp along until we got the new desktop systems. But the thing died before I could do that.
I have photos to go with this but I can’t remember how my FTP works and don’t want to spend even 3 minutes figuring it out right now. And I don’t want these photos on Flickr. Argh. Everything is stupid.
I’m still coughing. I looked up my souvenir cough from last spring and apparently the cold lasts a week and then the cough two weeks. I thought I was almost finished but i guess I have another week of this crap.
It was sunny today but otherwise I’m grumpy. The good news is I did a bunch of garden stuff.
I didn’t document it because it was too depressing but my tomato sproutlets had serious declines in health. I thought it was because they were cold and the sun never shines but I think they may have been over-watered, too. I was going to put them all in the ground anyway. I figured I could yank them and get bigger, taller, healthier stuff at the Farmer’s Market later.
One of them broke when I was planting it and the other I knocked all the leaves off putting the walls-of-water on it. My sweetheart took his Mom to the garden show this weekend and brought me three healthy tomatoes so I put those in. I also made a sort of greenhouse thing using a tip from the Internet and wrapped saranwrap around my tomato cage. So I have four plants in the ground. I planted a bunch of seeds. My usual: peas, beets, turnips, greens and carrots. Some of the stuff was planted two weeks ago so I have some sprouts.
My tulips mostly look doody. I had a nice yard full of daffodils. More bulbs this fall. I’ve been weeding and cleaning up like crazy. My next big project is to rig up a better trellis for my berries.
Busy week. Three home Timbers games in seven days. It’s like the best week ever. Except for the coughing.
Posted in doing it wrong
2 Comments
