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Category Archives: doing it wrong
The Twenty

Twenty years ago this weekend I moved to the Pacific NW.
In didn’t happen in an orderly way and I didn’t know I was moving when I first got here.
What happened was I wanted to leave Los Angeles and I had a plan although it wasn’t a well formed plan, or even poorly formed plan. It was more like an idea that depended on a lot of luck that did not materialize.
I was in that horrible place where I had no idea what I was doing with my life and also miserably broke with a fair amount of debt to deal with.
I moved to Sacramento where nothing went right for me (details omitted, no need to rehash that horrible time) and so I spent the summer hanging out in Orleans doing odd jobs to earn enough money to make my car payments when my Aunt Aileen invited me to visit her in Portland and look around and see what I thought.

There are more details here if you feel like you’re missing out.
Right away I got some office-type jobs. I had two cousins who had just finished college living in the area so I had friendly faces to hang out with.
I started working for my Uncle the next February (career milestone in 2012!) and moved into this apartment a couple months later.
I married a local and I seem to be settled. I like this place (not the apartment, the PACNW, I only lived in the apartment for a couple years) and I like how everything turned out, but to be honest, I’m still a California girl in my heart.

This apartment is the only time I’ve ever lived by myself. I didn’t have a great TV so I read a lot of books that year.
I found these photos when I was at my folks last month. I have zero recollection of them being taken or of ever seeing them before. My Aunt must have taken them and sent them to my folks to show them how I was doing.
Obviously, I was still moving in.
It kind of blows my mind how much of that stuff I still have.

In this one I’ll point your attention to my first computer, a Mac Plus with my trusty Imagewriter. And me. I’m pretty sure I still have those sweatpants.
Posted in doing it wrong
7 Comments
The Last Mystery of Portlandia

Sign to Red Cap Lake, Marble Mountain Wilderness, CA
I cannot figure out my office building. It’s not the fanciest office building but it’s a nice building. The people in there are attorneys or software something or non-profits. Not slouchy jobs.
I’m on the 10th floor and there is maybe a handful of people that I see regularly. That includes two men who I never see without a phone in their hands. Talking on the way to the restroom. Talking on the way out of the restroom. Co-worker reports they talk on the phone while doing their business in there.
There are a number of people who do their cellphone talking in the common areas and it’s always a bit awkward to walk by and pretend like you aren’t trying to figure out what they’re talking about. Because they wouldn’t be talking in the hallway if they didn’t want everyone to know what they’re talking about.
My point is, I don’t see a lot of people on my floor. There are only three businesses other than ours, all larger. An insurance defense office, a non-profit and some sort of technological sales something. But I don’t see oodles of people around.
However, I go in the women’s restroom maybe 2-4 times a day and there is *always* someone in there. Always. Sometimes two people.
And it always smells like a truck stop after a chili cook-off.
What the hell? I don’t understand how this is even possible. How can so seemingly few people keep that room so constantly maximally busy?
You might guess that all the other floors have tagged the tenth floor women’s restroom as mostly abandoned so have spread the word: do your stink jobs on that floor. Except the stairways are locked for “safety” and our office is adjacent to the elevators so I think I’d notice excessive traffic.
They recently installed this thing called a doorpod and for the first week when you walked into the bathroom it smelled like a simmering a pot of Pez. (Improvement?) But whatever magical smell absorbing technology it uses, it was maxed out right away and no one has come back to replace it.
The whole thing is a mystery.
Posted in doing it wrong
2 Comments
She Works Hard For the Money

Some jobs I’ve had:
Jack-in-the-Box – drive through cashier; grill
Chinese restaurant – server
UC Santa Barbara – government publications library assistant
Santa Barbara Zoo- Chipwich cart
contractors license school – fraud-ish test prep assistant
Panavision Hollywood – marketing assistant
Bureau of Indian Affairs – copy clerk
Posted in doing it wrong
2 Comments
Pumpkin and Puzzle Update

Guess what I got in the mail today?
Another puzzle book.
I finally sorted through my immaculate record keeping system and found a number to call about my subscription. The person who answered the phone was very nice.
She told me that they received my subscription payment and I was fine on that.
She said the puzzles would have been a mail-in offer.
I don’t think I could have done that and forgotten about it.
For a second I thought someone was playing a trick on me but I couldn’t envision how that would come about. Some of my friends doing tequila shots and then saying, “You know what would be hilarious? If we secretly sent Pam a 40-pack of puzzle books.”
After some research she discovered that another order was mistakenly assigned to my account. She sort of laughed and said, “You have a subscription, too.”
I am free to keep the puzzle books I already have, I’m assuming my subscription is canceled and the person who actually ordered them will be getting his soon. Whew!

This is it so far in the pumpkin patch. The yellow one is my usual Cinderella variety and I’m guessing this green one is the Baby Pam. I fretted last year about my pumpkins being so late and they did fine. We’ll see how this year goes.
More Puzzles

Bob didn’t come to California with me due to another family obligation.
He mentioned on the phone that I’d gotten a box he thought was books. I’d ordered something else that was shaped nothing like a book but you never know how stuff is going to be shipped so I didn’t think too much about it.
When I got home there was a huge book-like box and opened it with great curiosity and this is what I found inside.
A ginormous stack of puzzle books.
I definitely didn’t buy these on purpose so I tried to come up with a logical explanation.
This is the same publisher that published my story so my first conclusion was that they were clearing out the warehouse and decided to send their authors puzzle books.
I know. There is nothing logical about that. I was tired yesterday when I got home.
This morning I realized that I just sent Asimov’s money to renew my subscription so now I’m thinking I have a stupid problem to unravel.
I got another puzzle book in the mail today!
Luckily, I come from a family of puzzle-fiends. (No, I’m not kidding.) Too bad these didn’t show up before I went to California.
Did You Hear That Screaming?

This is the plant that I grew from a seed I saved last year and knocked all the leaves off when I planted it.
Not now. It was last night.
I’m setting this to post after I hit the road on Friday.

This is the Early Girl.
I was doing a major watering so my sweetie doesn’t have to worry about it while I’m gone. I was crawling around because tomatoes like to be watered from the bottom and some pink caught my eye.

This is the German Lunchbox. And you know what? I had lunch at the German Deli today. Babe the pig added for perspective.
Then I took a closer look at all my tomatoes. The ripe ones are in the very middle and tough to spot. The same thing happened last year.
Yeah, home grown tomatoes. Stay tuned for me bitching and moaning about how I have too many tomatoes.
Hitting the Road

When we were in Grants Pass last month we went to this giant kitchen store. The kind of place you could wander around in for hours (if you’re a kitchen store type of person like me and a huge part of my extended family) and find tons of things you want. The kind of place you can’t leave unless you buy something.

I bought this strawberry corer because we didn’t have hours that day so I didn’t have enough time to do more damage.
It took these photos because of the instructions which if you can’t read say: Insert teeth of corer at stem and twist out.
Just in case you weren’t sure how it worked.
I am hitting the road tomorrow for California. The plan is to hang out with family, drink adult beverages, eat yummy food and do some swimming in the river.
I will offline until next week. Don’t do anything crazy while I’m gone.
Posted in doing it wrong, Orleans, pamily
1 Comment
The Alarm: 68 Guns

A corner of Bob’s office.
Yesterday morning I had to catch an early flight that meant I had to get up before 5am. I have a psychological barrier for waking before 5am. 5am is fine but 4:45a sounds horrific.
I set my regular bedside alarm plus I set my cellphone alarm. Then when I got in bed I wondered why I worry so much about missing an alarm.
I don’t think I’ve ever slept through an alarm in my life.
I’ve never missed a plane or been seriously late to school or work because of oversleeping.
I’ve had a couple of incidents where I set the alarm incorrectly or power went off or something like that but I usually wake up myself with enough time to get wherever I have to be.
I suspect my paranoia about oversleeping keeps me from sleeping at all. I don’t think I put together 3 hours of sleep on Sunday night. I made to the airport just fine. (Goodness there are a lot of people running around at 5:30a.)
I spent the rest of the day in meetings trying to stay awake. My method was to be fidgety. I thought there were some voodoo tricks like pinching your earlobes or biting your pinky but those didn’t help. I’m not a caffeine person but at lunch I ordered the smallest possible Coke they would offer me. The server stared at me, then looked at her pad then looked back at me. “You threw me off for a second,” she said.
Because NO ONE in America orders the smallest Coke. I was afraid if I drank too much caffeine I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night and I didn’t want one of those gallon tumblers where most would be thrown away.
The Coke didn’t help much but since I never drink it, it was a delicious treat.
Shut out the light at 8:45p and slept like the dead. Woke up at 5:00 without an alarm.
Posted in doing it wrong, sleepless in Vancouver
2 Comments
Wild Kingdom

It’s been animal kingdom in the backyard tonight.
Toes has been spending so much time back there I should start charging him rent. Every time I go out there I hear his whiny meows and he takes his time crawling out from a shady spot and stretching a bit before coming over and demanding attention. On Friday he got bitey when I wanted to stop.
Also tonight we had squirrely squirrels, Mr. Oranges and Bunny. Bunny lives next door but I think it has a crush on Mr. Oranges because it followed him around my yard and gave me the stink eye when I pet Oranges. Oranges was frisky tonight, too, and doing the bitey thing.
Then there was a dog running around.
I keep hoping I’ll look back there and see something exotic like a white stag or a capybara.
I lost one of my spare pairs of glasses. I have several cheapo pairs that I leave around the house in the kitchen or on the nightstand so I never have to look too far to find glasses. I misplace them all the time and normally I find them right away, usually under my butt. But this pair seemed to have wandered off.
I needed to use advanced search methods. The first thing I did was take apart the bed and while I was at it I vacuumed in all the nooks and crannies. Sure enough it was wedged down between the bedframe and the nightstand and tangled up in the cord for the alarm clock.
My sweetheart is gone for a couple of days and I have the house to myself. Usually when he’s gone, I sleep on my side of the bed out of habit. Last night I decided to sleep in the middle. I woke up in the middle of the night and I was almost horizontal and taking up pretty much the whole space.
Best not make that a habit.
Those are the updates. Thrill a minute around here.
Garden Update





I still have plants that haven’t bloomed and I keep finding dahlias I’ve never seen before. I think I say that every year.
Yesterday I noticed that one of my tomatoes (the German lunchbox) was growing so crazy it was pushing its cage over. I propped it up with another cage. We’ll see how that works. I should probably whack back some of the floppy branches on these plants but I’m so greedy I don’t want to.
The cucumbers seem to be major failure. Again. I started about 12 seeds in the house and half sprouted. Then I put them in the ground and half shriveled up. So I started another batch of seeds in the house with similar results. I put them outside last weekend and they are aggressively turning yellow and sad. Next year I’m going to find turbo cucumber seeds and try that.
