You're Doing It Wrong

My Latest Disaster

It’s hard to believe that I can be so consistently lame at something I do so often. Another pie crust disaster, possibly my worst disaster of all time. I have a folder filled with “no fail” crust recipes and for some reason I decided to try a different one yesterday which is a half butter, half shortening and turned out this pile of crumbs. Thanks a lot, Sunset.

As soon as I saw what a mess it was I took the recipe out of the folder and tossed it into recycling. Then after I “rolled out” the bottom crust I took the recipe out of recycling, violently crumpled it up and threw it on the floor and stomped on it and then I put it back in recycling.

If you’ve ever made a graham cracker crust, you know how you mix the crumbs with butter and then smush them into the pie pan? That was more or less my method. At the end of the day all we need are yummy peaches mixed with a delicious baked crumble. I just kept the pie pan shape to humor myself.

The top crust went equally bad and I scraped up crumbs and flattened them with my fingers and then lay the resulting crumb blob onto bare peaches. Then I took this picture.

Every time I see one of my photos like this I think: I need to spring for a better camera. And then I think how little sense it makes to have a fancy camera to photograph baking mayhem. You can guess the punchline: it tasted fabulous.

Also, Children of Men is an excellent movie.

Another Productive Weekend in Paradise

Photo: Until very recently a working farm in Vancouver. No doubt soon to be 5 trillion giant houses on tiny lots and a Walmart.

After my epic day of errands on Friday morning, my weekend productivity took a dive. I’ll reprint my most recent book review here to give you an idea why.

27. Twilight (498 pp.) by Stephenie Meyer (Sep 8). I did a foolish thing. If you’re a regular reader, you know I’ve been having a problem reading anything resembling serious fiction. Maybe I should call it challenging fiction. The book I’m really reading right now is called Snow and the author won the Nobel Prize and it’s really good and I’m halfway through it but it isn’t something that I’ve wanted to curl up with for a few hours. On Friday I used a bookstore giftcard I had and grabbed this book with a couple of others and came home and set them in the immediate “to read” area which is right next to the bed. (Different from the “to read” shelves which are in my room.) I knew better but I decided to peek at this book, just read a few pages to see what I thought. I read some young adult reviewers who were swooning about it. I told Bob it was vampires in high school and it the most overwrought star-crossed lovers romantic teenage wishfulfillment story of all time and I could not put it down until it was finished. And I just ordered the next two in the series, in hardcover, so they will be here by the end of the week.

I did manage to make the risotto last night which turned out A+. Bob said it was like a $15 entree. And this morning I made a loaf of No-Knead bread for a get together and later I will make a peach pie. We also hacked back some berry vines in the backyard that live in the middle of our hedge. I wanted to cut out the big long pieces that were draped into our yard. This is a tall person’s job and I got the ladder and whatever radar people have that goes off when their children are about to hurt themselves went off for Bob because he doesn’t have any children to use his radar on. He was outside in a flash asking me what I was doing.

I was already putting the ladder away by then because any place I could get the ladder stable was too far away to reach the berry vines. He took over and shortly thereafter we had ladders and long clippers and short clippers and rakes and electric hedge trimmers strewn all about and a big gash hacked out of the middle of our hedge. Cross that project off the list.

I saw in the paper that Women’s World Cup Soccer is starting this week and I don’t think I can manage a sports event right now. I can barely find the time to keep up with the 2 or 3 hours of shows per week I have that are on right now. And I’ve had a netflix (Children of Men) sitting next to the TV for a week now. Maybe I’ll catch up after the group play.

This is a busy week. Tomorrow is yoga night. Tuesday is get together night. Wednesday is Def Leppard night. I’m predicting Thursday will be crabby, tired, just give me a bottle of wine and a piece of pizza and leave me alone night.

This morning as I got on Highway 14 from Interstate 5 I passed a man standing on the other side of the divider wearing a big fur hat with a gallon jug of milk balanced on the divider and he was writing notes on a piece of paper. What do you think that was all about?

I’ve lived in Vancouver 12 years next March and I finally figured out how to drive from Trader Joes to the Mall from the freeway. I think I’ve taken every single exit in the vicinity and made oodles of u-turns in my quest to find the right path. I like to think the signage was updated because now there’s a sign for the mall that tells you what exit to take. But I can’t be sure I just wasn’t always doing it wrong before.

I think Trader Joes should hire me as a wine consultant. Every time I’m there I find myself recommending wine or giving feedback to other customers. I’m the expert on the $7 or less bottles of red.

I did a huge bunch of errands this morning. The only thing I missed was the credit union. I tried to find this branch I haven’t been to in a long time and it took me awhile to figure it out and then when I finally found it and it wasn’t there I remembered that I haven’t been there in a long time because it’s closed. By the time I would have gotten to my regular branch it would be Noon and everyone knows what a bad idea it is to do banking at Noon. That item will have to wait.

I tried a new product. I’m not a major makeup wearer but I throw a bit on every day. I don’t know what I thought I was buying, some sort of light foundation type thing. This morning I put it on as I’d put on my regular and found myself smearing on a heavy layer of clown make up. I looked into the mirror and said, “Obviously, too much.” So I went to wash it off and found that it had bonded to my skin like a rubber mask or something. Water was rolling off my skin. I totally panicked thinking this was going to be my face for the next 3 months and I was going to have to go around and be laughed at by strangers and explain to my co-workers that I’d applied a 3 week supply of make up to my face by mistake and now it was a permanent bond, please get used to it. Two cleansers and some raw red skin later: success.

Also this morning I was parked in the garage at our house. Normally I’m parked in the driveway. I’m so locked in to my habits, I got in the car, reached over for the garage door opener, hit the button and closed the garage door. While I was sitting in my car in the garage.

Fall Bulb-Tacular
When I was at Mom’s I grabbed her Breck’s catalog. It’s always been my intention to throw some more bulbs in the yard because when Spring finally comes, few things make me happier than to see bright colored flowers out in the yard.

My major bulb energy goes into my dahlias which reminds me, I haven’t taken any dahlia photos for several weeks. Or pumpkins. I need to get up to speed here. (The photo is an old one from Flickr.)

Dahlias are summer bulbs and I have more than I need already. I’m going to dig up a bunch of red ones (maybe) and see if any neighbors want them or perhaps engage in some creative vandalism and toss them into some dirt somewhere. The Breck’s catalog is spring bulbs and I’ve got a decent supply of daffodils and a few tulips and miscellaneous but could use improvement.

I’ve gone through the catalog twice with my ultimate wish list and then cutting back to be more realistic and then cutting back to my budget. Now I have to be practical about what I will actually be willing to put into the ground. This is my problem with spring bulbs is that usually in the fall I’m done with the garden. I want to pull everything up and then sit in the house and drink hot cocoa and watch my shows or read books.

Right now, sitting here in my office with my tea, looking at photos of beautiful flowers, I’m totally optimistic about how much work I’ll want to do. Think of the payoff. But I know myself well enough that I can see myself cursing at my giant box of bulbs and making one big hole in the middle of the yard and dumping them in and being done with it.

The current list is 108 bulbs. I’ll decide tomorrow whether to cut it back or not.

More Notes

It turns out my bank doesn’t take rolled coins. Actually she said it depends on the branch. But the downtown Wells Fargo at 5th and Jefferson will take your big bag of coins and throw it in the coin counter. No need to spend the afternoon rolling your coins. Wouldn’t that information have been handy a few days earlier?

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I watched Marie Antoinette on Monday night. I loved Lost in Translation (and reading about it online is making me want to see it again) and had been looking forward to this movie, even though the reviews were doodoo. And I thought the movie was doodoo. I liked parts of it and the eye candy was fun but after awhile I got bored watching people in fancy clothes walking through the garden with trendy music playing.

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Another thing I’ve been meaning to ask related to my “miracles of white vinegar” post was that my dishwasher instructions suggest running vinegar through the machine once or twice a year. How do you do this? Do you just pour it in the bottom? Do you do it with the dishwasher full or empty? This seems like something that requires more information.

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When the season changes I like to have some goals for kitchen skills. Like one winter it was bread. And bread continues because I’m a slow learner at bread. This winter my kitchen project is going to be paella and risotto.

Time for a Cover: One Tin Soldier

I only have one friend from high school that I keep in touch with on a regular basis. Or even on an irregular basis when you get right down to it. We went to the same college and remain close with a group of college friends that keep in touch thanks to the magic of the Internet.

Last week she sent a note to the group with a photo of her daughter on her way to her first day as a freshman in high school.

We exchanged a couple of notes trying to remember something about our freshman year and between the two of us, the memories are mighty skimpy.

I found my freshman yearbook yesterday because I was cleaning out shelves and cupboards doing some amateur level de-cluttering. I flipped through it and in the very beginning found a picture of her husband, who also went to high school with us, so I had to scan that. Then I found our picture on a page that said Symphonic Band.

We were in band in high school?

I have zero memory of this and I scanned those, too and sent them off to her and I got this reply: “We weren’t in band in high school.”

Yet, there is photographic evidence. How can this be? I’m sure there’s a good reason we’ve forgotten.

Look what I did yesterday. I rolled coins. That’s not even half of our collection. I emptied the laundry coins and rounded up the bureau coins. Plus we both have our own coin cans and I made a pile from both.

I put back all the quarters and we still have tons for poker.

That’s $50.50 in coins and it’s all going into the orange Mini account. (Orange is my online savings. I probably want a grey or silver Mini.)

The money on the counter reminded me of some advice I saw on a website. Do you ever see advice on a website that is so beyond stupid that you want to call your Congressman and have the Internet repealed? I just looked for it to make sure I didn’t make this up in my head and I couldn’t find it so this could also be the product of an overactive imagination.

The article had to do with your home being robbed and they said that every criminal knows that everyone has a big wad of cash hidden somewhere in their house and no matter where you hide it, that criminal will find it. So they suggested that you “hide” a decoy wad of cash. A smaller amount and not so deeply hidden so that the criminal will think he found your money and be on his way leaving your real stash safe.

We don’t have a big wad of cash hidden in our house. I didn’t even know “everyone” did this. There is about $50 in coins not hidden and if the criminal is in such dire straits that he’s willing to cart off 10 lbs of change I wish him well.

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In addition to my busy day yesterday rolling coins, I also made a pie and worked on my myriad of never-ending projects which generally refers to organizing things, and I watched a movie called Half Nelson. It was very well reviewed and Ryan Gosling got an Academy Award nomination for his performance. I enjoyed it a great deal but I don’t know how to describe it. It’s about this teacher who’s an addict and his friendship with one of his students who’s also having a hard time and how they help each other out. But it’s a quiet movie. Worth tracking down.

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I think our next door neighbors are moving. (Have moved?) The house next door is a rental and the first tenants lasted about 3 years and were completely invisible. I talked to them two times. Once when our netflix was delivered to their house and they brought it over and once the day they were moving. For the record, I’m not the friendliest person in the world. Not to say that I’m unfriendly. I wave and say, Hi and recognize lots of neighbors but I very rarely run over and stand in the street and visit, and organize block parties and have neighbors over for BBQ.

The invisible people moved and a man moved in with his son. We introduced ourselves and said hello when we were watering the yard or whatever. At some point man’s girlfriend moved in and then it got weird and I’m not sure what went on. I think the son had a girlfriend there for awhile. Then another girl moved in who I think is a daughter. (And never have you come across a more charmless young woman.) And then another younger guy moved in.

And the original man disappeared. I actually was worried that maybe he had a terrible illness. A couple of weeks ago I saw him in the wee hours of the morning hitching the boat from the yard and driving off.

The main reason we pay any attention is the large collection of cars they have. If four people live there (girlfriend, son, daughter and other young guy) that means there are four cars. I’m not sure what any of the individuals does for work but I’m guessing restaurant or something involving shift work because cars come and go at all hours.

I’m not trying to say this was a bother because they aren’t noisy nor do they do any other anti-neighborly things. I wonder how they manage because these are awfully small houses for 4 adults. Also there is no sign of anything resembling air conditioning and I’ve never seen an open window.

On Saturday they had a truck with a trailer and they loaded up boxes and then the truck and all four cars disappeared. For the first time in 3 or 4 years there isn’t a single vehicle next door.

Photo: Bob waits his turn at the drive through coffee place.

This was not at all the day I wanted to have. Bob and I got up early and went for a walk and I did a good yoga practice. But I’ve had a persistent headache all day long. Just enough to be annoying and/or distracting.

My energy went plotz and I ended up taking a nap even though I thought I was well rested.

I spent the day reading including much time outside. I thought the sun would cure me. I puttered around the house and baked some bread.

Oh well. A nice relaxing day. Tomorrow will be the no computer day.

Photo: Vancouver trainyards at Fourth Plain overpass.

Last night we went to dinner with some friends. It’s kinda a long story but I ended up being in charge of picking the place.

Bob and I don’t go to dinner much in Portland and when we do, it’s usually in connection with a downtown event and between lunches and our events, I know downtown restaurants pretty well. I wanted to try something different not located downtown.

We have the Oregonian diner guide and I went through that cover to cover and ended up choosing Podnah’s Pit Texas Style Barbecue which is a strange choice seeing as how I eat about 8 oz. of meat a week.

I had a plate of beef which I cleaned off and a beer and we split a piece of the best pecan pie on the planet. I was too full, but happy full and I slept 10 hours and woke up feeling like a million bucks so I think this beef has miraculous powers.

Of course, today I felt my need to eat meat sated until the next millenium. Bob said there were sausages in the fridge and I said: GAK!

1. Let your Verizon contract lapse. You will never get more attention from Verizon than when you are not locked into a contract with them. I get email and snail mail from them every couple of days. Everybody wants to talk to me and give me a deal. Sometimes a girl needs to feel special.

2. White Vinegar. I’ve always had a big jug of plain cheapie white vinegar in my cupboard but I don’t use it much because it smells sort of nasty or like Easter egg dye. But really, that nasty stuff can leach the bad smell out of anything. (That I’ve tried so far.) We have two coolers we use for trips and both of them were getting gamy. The red one smelled like old socks. I poured in a little white vinegar, swabbed the entire thing with a washcloth and now: normal plastic-y smelling coolers.

3. In order to follow the rule of three I need one more tip here but haven’t come up with anything great. During the summer you can freeze berries to put in your breakfast yogurt during the rest of the year. The frozen berries will keep your yogurt cold until you eat it. Of course, here you could duct tape your breakfast container onto the roof of the car in December and it would keep plenty cold while you drive to work.

Another idea for a tip is if you make your lunch and it’s in the fridge and you don’t want to forget it. Put your keys in the fridge next to it.

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I thought it was a parody at first. I saw a commercial for a new Halloween movie. But it’s not Halloween, Episode 157, it’s a remake of the original. And rather than wait two months for Halloween, it’s coming out at the end of August.

Speaking of movies, did I ever say that we went and saw The Bourne Ultimatum for our anniversary date? Followed by a fabulous meal. It’s not really Bob’s favorite kind of movie but we both enjoyed it. I think Jason Bourne is my new boyfriend. He’s a great driver, he can keep you from getting assassinated in a train station and he can beat people up.

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Last night we watched an episode of the Henry Rollins show and he featured a guest who he said was known for the Obey the Giant images that virtually everyone has seen before or something like that. I should pay better attention when I’m going to write about it later. Anyway, I had no idea what he was talking about and even after seeing the images and reading the story – it says it was created in 1986 – I was not familiar. I guess my point being that (a) I’m not as dialed in to pop culture as I thought I was (I didn’t even know what High School Musical was) and (b) Henry, the images are not ubiquitous in the PAC NW.

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I want to buy a new work outfit for Fall and I’ve been waffling what store to go to. I decided to go to Nordstrom Rack on my lunch hour and I have no idea why I ever go into that store. For every 35 things I try on, I find one thing to buy. And of the things I buy, they are never my favorite things that I reach for over and over. I tried on one pair of pants that was skin tight in the thighs, gaping in the waist and would have needed a 14 inch hem. A women shaped like a pencil, take note.