Category Archives: doing it wrong

From One Talking Rock to the Other

Check out this giant green rock that looks like the Hulk’s head. I should have put something in there for perspective. I would photoshop something in there now if I had time. It’s about the size you’d expect the Hulk’s head to be.

Today my story The Medicine Woman of Talking Rock is up at Podcastle. Thanks go to guest editor Tina Connolly. It’s originally from Red Tape Stories from Indian Country.

I still haven’t listened to it. Maybe on my lunch hour. Another busy day and I apparently left the phone I don’t know how to use somewhere. I’m hoping the kitchen counter. I have an incredible knack for making my life more difficult right now.

Remind me to tell you about the great shower door disaster of 2013.

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Technology Is My Friend

Guess who turned 50 today? Julian Lennon and Donita Sparks.

Since I’m turning 50 this year I’m paying attention to other people who are turning 50 this year. On several occasions I’ve made half-hearted attempts to collect information on people and things turning 50 thinking I could do something “hey, 50 is happening” with it. (ex: “Hey, The Birds is 50.”) But then it seems overwhelming and kind-of depressing.

We’ll see how I rally when the day comes.

So, that weird noise you heard last week?

That was me getting a smart phone. Now there are only 12 people left in the whole world who don’t have one.

I’ve had good reasons for not wanting on. I don’t need another gadget that I don’t know how to work. I hate having a full time distraction device that I can carry with me. I think it’s a ridiculous amount of money that I could use for something else.

I caved so I can tweet at Timbers games.

That’s not the entire reason. Also, peer pressure.

We were having burgers before the reserves match yesterday and I was catching up on Twitter and I said, “Hey, now we’re those people who look at their phone at the restaurant instead of talking to each other.”

It was a major milestone.

I still barely know how it works. I got up to page 30 in the 338 page super guide I bought before I got tired of looking at a book about a phone. I realized this morning that I still don’t know how to make or receive calls but since then I’ve gotten two robo-calls and turns out I could do it without the superguide.

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Missing Object Anxiety

Bob and I both suffer from a condition we call Missing Object Anxiety. It mostly happens when you are on vacation and you compulsively check your pack or your pockets over and over for your room key, your wallet, your passport. Your room key, your wallet, your passport. Your room key, your wallet, your passport.

In its most extreme form, it causes a burst of panic where you are convinced that you’ve lost something and there is nothing more important right at that exact second than to stop everything and take every single item out of your pack or pockets until you find that item.

When I get over-extended like I have the past couple of weeks, my entire life starts to feel like a Missing Object Anxiety attack. It feels like there are things I’m missing but I can’t possibly stop and take everything out to release the stress so I remain in a state of hypervigilence, repeatedly checking my keys, my wallet, my cellphone. My keys, my wallet, my cellphone.

Our property taxes are due at the end of April but the bill comes, I think, in February. I put it in the place where I put all the bills I pay and wrote on it with big block letters with the due date. Plus I put a big note on the calendar in April that said property taxes were due. Meanwhile, several times over the last few weeks I’ve had these moments of hair-raising anxiety where I was certain I forgot to pay it.

One day I was checking my bank balance and I realized the check hadn’t cleared. Except later I also remembered that I hadn’t even written the dumb check yet. I finally transferred the money into the checking account and paid it so I could stop fretting about it.

Sometimes I wish I could take all my things and spread them out so I know it’s all there.

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Spoke of a Wheel, Tip of a Spoon

Toes ran over to say Hi when I went out to take pictures.

So what the hell has been going on with me? I have had the most amazingly busy past 6 weeks. I think the entire time there were 3 days when I didn’t either have a late night after work or have company or some other event or activity going on. Or I was out of town.

It was all great stuff and great people just too much packed all together. I normally won’t do so many weeknight things but they were all things I didn’t want to miss.

And now I will tell you about one of these events: Patti Smith at the Crystal Ballroom. I have seen Patti a bunch of times. For example: 2001, 2005, 2007, and 2010 and think she’s terrific.

And she was. But I did not enjoy the show even a tiny bit.

At this point in my life, I very rarely enjoy going to see live music. I don’t enjoy standing in a crowd for a show, jockeying for a view. I don’t like to stay out late on weeknights. (I get up at 5:30am to catch a 6:30am bus; I need a really good reason to stay out past 9:30pm.)

After this show I told Bob: never again. Don’t even ask. Here’s how serious I am: not even for Paul Westerberg.

But here’s the part of the evening that pushed me over the edge: these two little brats pushed up behind me and then would not stop talking.

“Can you see?”
“No, can you?”
“No.”
“That’s too bad. I thought maybe we could see.”
“Yeah, it’s not fair.”

And so on and on and on.

Hard cheese little girls. (I’d estimate their ages to be 21 years, 5 minutes). When you’re short and you stand in a crowd you can’t see. I’ve been going to shows for longer than you’ve been alive. That’s how it works. There are at least 30 feet of taller people between me and the stage. What is whining in my ear going to accomplish?

I finally suggested to them, that not only could I not see, now I couldn’t hear.

Well, they showed me because for the next half hour they let me know in great detail, their feelings about me. Keep in mind I never said another word to them.

To summarize their grievances:

I was unsympathetic because I am tall. (People, the only reason I can still pass for 5’4″ is because I have incredible posture.)

I should just leave if I’m uncomfortable

I was probably too old to do things like that.

And the capper: Patti would be disappointed with me.

Because clearly, I was the bad guy here.

They finally got bored and left but I was never able to enjoy the show.

(Edited to add: To be honest, I probably would do it for Paul Westerberg. But ONLY Paul Westerberg.)

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Still In Recovery Mode

Okay, so I finally have some time but not a lot of energy. I need Christmas vacation.

I haven’t managed to get a good photo of the flowers yet. They’re still coming in. I’ll keep working on it.

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Last of His Tribe

I started this post a couple weeks ago when I learned that Ishi was inducted into the California Hall of Fame. (Along with others including Warren Beatty and Joe Montana – what a weird hall of fame.)

The sentence that stood out for me was, “Ishi means man in the Yahi language and was not his real name. Reportedly, there were no elders left to name him.”

I did not remember hearing this before and thought the world’s saddest story turns out to be even sadder. I haven’t read the book since I was in school. While doing my due diligence on Wikipedia I noticed that this tidbit is in the first paragraph so I probably did already learn this but blocked it out.

It’s a sad, sad story about a man whose entire tribe is wiped out by white people settling in California. Check out this bit from Wikipedia: miners settling in California “put[] pressure on native populations.”

That’s not how I would tell the story but I don’t have time or the heart to revise it right now. I am on my way out the door for a long weekend in California. I’ll be offline until next week.

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Do you know why the Indian rain dances always worked? Because the Indians would keep dancing until it rained.

If you ever have the opportunity, go see Sherman Alexie. I’ve been seeing him do readings since I moved here. Twenty years ago it was in a classroom at Clackamas College.

We’ve both come a long way since then.

I have another week or so of the insane busy. Then a return to the amazing content that you’ve come to expect from me. Ahem.

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First Flower

Every time I look in the yard I cringe because there is so much work to do out there and it seems like I’m never here when the weather is decent.

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The Days Change At Night

I just got back from 4 days in LA at a hotel by the airport doing a writing workshop than ran from 9am to 7pm.

It was amazing and exhausting and I’m glad I went.

Here’s a terrible photo from my room which shows my view of the runways facing toward the ocean. I could barely hear any airport noise at the hotel, but noise from the hallway at 3am: loud and clear.

I hear I missed an earthquake by less than 24 hours.

What a shame.

I had a great time but didn’t sleep super great.

I took today off to regroup.

Another busy few weeks ahead.

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Spice

I have these on all my spice jars. I never shake my spices.

Every time I use a spice I take this thing off, pour or measure out the spice I want, and then put this thing back on.

Last weekend I had about 4 spice jars out and was wrangling all these stupid things and I thought, “Why do I even keep these?”

So I took them off and washed them and put them in a drawer in case I change my mind later although really it’s just going to be something to throw away someday.

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