You're Doing It Wrong

The time in my life when I was at my heaviest weight was in college, I can’t remember which year. The top was probably 40-45 lbs. more than I weigh right now. There is a series of photos taken at this time of Erin and me packed up and ready to go back to school. I am stuffed into grey cords and a pink sweater and sport the most hideous Keith Partridge shag haircut you could imagine, as if I’d accepted a challenge to look as unappealing as possible. I have systematically searched out and destroyed these photos without mercy.

I should add that I’m not normally uptight about looking doofy in old pictures. I love the picture of me in the orange plaid floody pants or the gymnastics picture with the goofy hairbraids. But the ultra-chubby photo was taken at a time when I was so filled with self-loathing for myself, I can’t bear to be reminded of it.

I was in Orleans in June and at my Grandma’s looking at old photos and I found one of these pictures. Why would anyone have shared this terrible picture of me? Was it to say: “Hey, she can only improve with age” or “Keep this, we can blackmail her with it later”?

In the moment I left it there thinking it wasn’t mine to take but as soon as I left I wished I’d grabbed it. This past weekend I was back at Grandma’s and I made a beeline for the photo albums, found the photo, pulled it out and tore it to pieces. Then I threw it in the fire.

That person doesn’t exist anymore.

I’ve been meaning to do this forever. Here is a list of blogs I read regularly.

Every weekday starts with checking Gawker.com : “the source for daily Manhattan media news and gossip” and Defamer.com which covers L.A. movie biz news and gossip.

My other daily read is: Dooce who is a ruthlessly honest 30-something woman who writes about motherhood, poop, depression and life in Utah and rarely fails to be HILARIOUS. If nothing else read this item.

Also on the daily list is Indianz.com which consolidates news and government actions in Indian Country and is excellent for keeping us in the loop at the office.

My other two favorite daily reads are: Kottke.org and Boingboing.net. These sites consolidate a variety of fun Internet stuff, odd sites, and also Internet culture and happenings. I never fail to find something cool at either of these sites.

Some other sites checked regularly but not necessarily daily are: Fussy.org another funny Mom and yoga person; belle de jour diary of a London Call girl; Go Fug Yourself a deliciously mean-spirited fashion commentary site; Mobylives.com news and commentary on books and writers.

Finally, I’ll link to 43 folders site which is about being organized and you’d think it would turn me on but instead I find it creepy and terrifying.

That should keep you busy if I’m away for a few days.

I had a bunch of errands to do this morning and I can’t complain, they all went surprisingly smooth. I always approach a giant list of errands with dread. There are few things I want badly enough to run all over town to get. It’s generally only out of necessity (e.g. holiday) or in honor of someone else (e.g. gifts). Today was a little of both.

I went to Target in Jantzen Beach and it’s no surprise that store has become lamer since the thrill of its grand opening not too long ago. All the stores at Jantzen Beach are lame. The place is practically a graveyard. Or what’s a word for a dreadful place where people only go because there’s no other choice or they’re desperate? The traffic plan was invented by a sadist. It’s fairly awful on a weekday morning before Noon — I can’t comprehend what it might be like at xmas. The stores are huge and far apart. Walking is discouraged. There’s the sense that it’s a place no one can admit has been defeated.

I think the entire thing could be razed and started over from square one with traffic in mind, light rail included and a mix of residential and retail with fun outdoor eating, parks and places to walk. There’s a gold mine under all that asphalt and brick.

But back to Target. I couldn’t find anything I needed. If anyone needs a sportsbra in size 38D, white — Jantzen Beach is your spot. Otherwise: hard cheese. I wanted some watch-type batteries and wrote down the number and everything. A kid saw me examine the display and hurried over to help me. He didn’t see the number I was looking for (like I needed help with that) and encouraged me to try Circuit City. He had a terrible stutter and in my anxiety to not make him feel self-conscious, I thanked him profusely even though he was completely useless.

I’m home now (obviously). We’ve had an odd damp day and a huge crack of thunder went off over the house and for a split-second I thought the roof was cracking.

Remember a few days ago I said I had a note that said “air” or “Giv” and I didn’t know what I meant? I remembered. [I can’t get the link to target thing to work right now and as usual I just sat down here for 3 seconds to type this note and I’m not going to take the time to figure it out. Just scroll down to item#5 on August 22.]

It was “air” as in air conditioning. I love the effects of air conditioning and I’m glad it’s part of the world but I don’t understand why the world thinks that the appropriate temperature to cool a room or building down to is 55 degrees. There you are in your cute sundress or shorts and tank and you walk into a store or someone’s home or the movies and you need to find a sweater. I carry a sweater EVERYWHERE.

We had air conditioning installed before this summer which has been wonderful but it does get a little chilly in the rooms with the main vents. In my room, where the computer is, it practically blows on my legs which I do not like and I close the vent when I’m at my desk.

Today has been an odd day because it was just warm enough to kick on the air but not quite warm enough that I could appreciate it. As soon as the cold air came wafting out of the vent I had goosebumps on my arms and legs. Also you should know that I’m pretty cheap when it comes to energy expended on environmental comfort. I set the air at 74 degrees and I’m still cold.

It’s my intention to post almost every day. Seriously.

I have ideas of things to write about but then it’s a matter of sitting down and organizing my thoughts and then constructing some sentences that sound at least halfway coherent and possibly finding a few links. But then I’m at home and I’m tired or have already sat in front of the computer all day or whatever thing I wanted to write about earlier doesn’t sound half as interesting and before you know it 4-5 days have gone by and no new posts. Whether I’m making excuses or apologizing, you be the judge.

On Friday night we saw Los Lobos at the Vancouver Jazz and Wine Festival or whatever it was called. Excellent evening. We enjoyed refreshing adult beverages and a variety of foods. It was a nice crowd but not crowded. The air was cool and a bit breezy.

We had chairs and a nice place to sit but after a couple of songs I wanted to go up front so I dashed up to the concrete in front of the stage and the rest of our crew joined me a half song later. While we were dancing and carrying on, people were shouting requests and Bob said “Mr. Fantasy” which he’d heard Los Lobos play before. A kid in front of us — about 8 years old — was dancing with his hippy-ish looking folks and he looks at Bob and goes, “That’s Traffic. Mr. Fantasy is Traffic.” Three cheers for that kid’s parents that their 8 year old son knows Traffic. “They do it too,” Bob told him, meaning Los Lobos and the kid turned around and shouted, “Mr. Fantasy!”

I’m trying to get the fridge emptied out. We’re having Priscilla over for dinner tonight and making a quasi-fajita thing we’ve invented. I suggested it because I had 3 bell peppers in the fridge and this seemed an optimal way to get rid of them. Little did I know my spouse ran over to the farmer’s market yesterday and picked up 6 (SIX!) bell peppers. On what planet do 3 people eat 6 giant bell peppers for one meal much less 9 which is what we now have? That man needs constant adult supervision.

This morning for breakfast I had some honey Greek-style yogurt from Trader Joes with meusli and some blackberries that I harvested from the backyard last night. It was excellent.

I’m off to take care of some chores.

I finally posted a photo of my Star Wars purse, made by Liz at Bolsa Bonita.

The dang critters keep eating my pumpkins. You’d think they’d give up if they didn’t like the first one but no, they have to take a chunk out of every one. I’ve got a couple that look like they’ll make it but they won’t be perfectly pretty. Pumpkin vines are crazy. I think I have two plants and they have taken over the garden. That and cucumbers.

Here are a bunch of odds and ends that I’ve scribbled on paper and then never sat down to write about.

1. Obviously I’ve never done my train story and the moment is gone now. Here’s more info on the Lewis and Clark Explorer. We had a wonderful day on the train. The folks who run the train are total Lewis and Clark geeks and train geeks so lots of fun information. The photos of our day are here.

2. In the midst of all my cleaning and throwing things away — which is still going on, I am finding things that I bought and have never used. This causes me a great deal of distress. I imagine there are lots of folks in this world who do this regularly and hardly think twice about it but it makes me feel bad to be wasteful. I have software I never quite figured out and books I’ve never even cracked and clothes I wore once and hated but left in the closet in case I would wear them again.

3. Bob got a new car. I need to take a photo of it. It’s a Honda Accord and he reports it’s like “riding a pillow of air.”

4. I took some of my knives in to get them sharpened. I took my old chefs knife to a potluck thing because you know how there are never enough knives, serving spoons or towels at a potluck? Someone thanked me for bringing such a nice sharp knife and this was before I got it sharpened. It was like a butter knife. I can’t imagine what her knives are like at home. The first time I used it, sharpened, I managed to whack a notch in my index finger. I’m taking the rest of my knives in this week.

5. My note looks like it says “air” or “Giv” — can’t imagine what I wanted to say about that.

6. Bob got me the new Bob Mould on emusic. It’s fantastic. He’s going to be in town in October. Can’t wait.

I’ve been scanning old family photos this weekend. Last time I was in Orleans I took a couple of photo albums home. The albums have lost their adhesive and the photos are jumbled up. I bought some photo-archive boxes and clear plastic sleeves and I’m taking them from the jumble, scanning and then putting them in individual sleeves and into the box. It’s way more labor intensive than I imagined.

The scanning process takes too long to sit with each individual photo. But there are a couple of menus to click through and no step takes long enough that you can turn away and accomplish something else. I’ve gone through 3 pages so far. Only about 16 more to go.