The Big Trick

My photos are all disorganized and I couldn’t find what I wanted so this is in memory of spring.

(Well, poop. I scheduled this to post while I was gone except apparently I didn’t. I’m home! Details to come.)

I always think companies are conspiring for ways to trick you into spending more on the same stuff.

Like how liquid laundry detergent comes in a tinier jug that costs the same as the big one but the label says, “It’s concentrated! You only need two tablespoons. This jug contains 1000 loads worth of detergent.” But then when you do the laundry you still dump in a capful (which has a helpful line showing you where two tablespoons would be only it’s practically invisible) because that’s how you always do it.

I’m not brand loyal with paper towels. I can never remember what I bought before so I grab a different one every time. I also rarely buy in bulk because I don’t like to try to figure out where to store tons of paper towels.

When we first bought the paper towels where the perforations are for half paper towels I thought it was a total rip. “Whoever said, ‘Dang, these paper towels are too big. I wish I had only half a towel.’?” I said. I figured two half paper towels were probably bigger than one regular paper towel so you would use them faster.

But then I got used to the half paper towels and now I like them.

The next time I brought home regular paper towels and I was like, “Dang, who needs these giant paper towels?” and I tried to tear them in half.

There is a valuable lesson in there somewhere.

I’m headed out of town this afternoon and I’m going to be offline until Sunday night. Don’t wait up.

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The Annual Fix

Here’s proof of the 150 bulbs.

This morning a guy at the market said to me: Hey, you look like you know what you’re doing. Can you help me here? Then I helped him find Saran Wrap and it was like I’d given him a kidney he was so grateful.

It was the best compliment ever. Especially since it happened about 2 minutes after I realized I managed to get to the market with 2 pairs of glasses but no phone or pencil.

I can’t tell you how hard it is to resist the urge to take this out to the driveway and run over it with my car.

Seasonal trends get carried away and annoying but pumpkin english muffins! How could I resist? I bet they taste amazing with cookie butter. I will soon find out. I also bought halloween candy and I mostly bought things Bob and I wouldn’t eat. I did get a small bag of peanut butter cups (Bob) and a small back of chocolate covered peanut eyeballs (me.) Last year I bought one of those giant bags of eyeballs (I also like the caramel) on clearance after Halloween and didn’t finish it until February. So this year I’m going to try to fulfill my craving with a smaller quantity.

The ballot arrived on Wednesday. The voter pamphlet arrived yesterday. I filled out that scantron like a champion. I’m going to mail this puppy and my duties for election day are finished.

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Hedge Haircut Time Again

We’d lived in this house for years before I started giving the hedge an annual haircut. I wonder how it wasn’t growing crazy out-of-control in the earlier years of neglect. I guess it’s not really a hedge, it’s a bush that could be a hedge but for whatever reason someone planted it under the bedroom window.

This time I did it in a big rush because I was in this obsessive drive to complete as many good weather dependent projects as possible.

Also I did the 150 bulb project.

Bob said, “You don’t really have 150 bulbs.”

I said, “Yes, really.”

Then I brought in the bags. They were 75 per bag on sale for $17.99. I took a photo but I think it’s still inside the camera.

Once I started digging I remembered that 150 bulbs is not as bad as it sounds.

The first time I planted bulbs I only bought about 25 and dug 25 holes and thought it was the worst. Then I saw my little pitiful individual 25 flowers and realized I was doing it wrong.

This time I dug trenches and planted 25 at a time. It’s going to look cool in the spring.

While I was planting I kept finding previously planted bulbs and I thought it would be a terrific idea to take a photo in the spring so I know what areas need bulbs. Then I remembered that I did that last spring. I have no idea where the photo is, probably in a photo folder called “garden” with 900 other photos of flowers and pumpkins in it.

I need an app that will keep a photo of my garden that I take in the spring and email it to me in the fall when it’s time to buy bulbs.

I haven’t dug around in the front yard in a long time and I forgot how wretched my soil is. All yellowy dry with huge rocks. Some of the rocks were as big as my fist.

When it started raining I noticed some snails and decided get the bucket and do a run through. I must have picked 100 snails. They just keep coming no matter what I do. The next day I saw a few more and ended up picking another 100. Then when I got home the other night there was a giant snail loitering on the wall next to the garage.

To conclude, I leave this link from the NYT food section about a snail rancher which includes this quote, “It may often look as if snails aren’t doing anything. Ms. Stewart has learned that they are doing quite a bit. ‘That’s all they’re doing, is making love,’ she said.”

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IRONSKIN!

So I found this in my inbox this week:

Tina is a friend and has been super supportive me and is also one of the world’s nicest people. She also does a podcast Toasted Cake. She also has a toddler. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t watch TV or check TMZ twice a day.

I, of course, want to help pimp Tina’s book except I only have three loyal readers and at least 2 of them already know about Tina. I could put it on Twitter but I only have something like 87 followers and at least a third of them have names like Candi and naughty wares to offer.

Social media is not my super power. I have many other fine qualities.

But, here it is. I’m going to be there. Connie Willis and Tina Connolly are the only people I will drive to Beaverton on a weeknight for.

Here’s the cover. Doesn’t it look cool? Tina’s post about it is here.

Not sure about a whole book but curious about this writer? Here’s one of my favorite short stories by Tina: As We Report To Gabriel.

I haven’t read the book yet but will report back when I do.

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Storms Are Coming

We’ve had a record breaking dry streak. It’s hard to complain about no rain when 3 months ago I was weeping and beating my head against the concrete because it wouldn’t stop. Now that everything is all dried out I’m not heartbroken to hear the rains are coming back.

The weatherman says we’re in for a series of storms starting on Friday. I’m getting home late tomorrow and Thursday so tonight the minute I got home I dropped everything and put on my work clothes and ran outside. It’s amazing what you can get done quickly when you’re motivated.

I yanked a bunch of dead stuff out front to make room for the 150 bulbs project. Then I brought in all the tomatoes and ripped the plants out and yanked most of the sunflowers. The cucumbers are still out there, although they look dead. The garden is finished. I think there are carrots but that’s about it. Well, apples. When I tore out one of the sunflowers I thought I found another suntater and I was pretty excited but it turned out to be a rock.

The real purpose of this post is to tell you about Roasted Pepper Vinaigrette. That’s it in the squeeze bottle posing with the tomatoes I just brought in. I’ve had this recipe forever. I don’t recall the origins. I made a note that “goes good with lots of things” so must have been part of an article. I finally made it on Sunday and it is amazing. We’ve had it on corn and salad. I think it would taste great on just about any vegetable and also, a swirl on a piece of cheese would be good. Probably good on pasta. It’s way more delicious that this recipe would suggest.

1 roasted red pepper or drain it from a jar (that’s what I did, thank you Trader Joe’s)
1/4 cup olive oil
2 T red wine vinegar
1 T chopped shallot (I never measure stuff like that. I used half a big one.)
1/2 t. salt
fresh ground black pepper

Whirl it all in the blender until smooth. Add more vinegar, salt and/or pepper if you think it needs it. Put in a squeeze bottle because you feel all fancy squeezing it on stuff.

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Pumpkin Has Landed

2012 Pumpkin Harvest

Sorry I got carried away. This is a tad over-processed. No time to do over.

As per my entire life, I have to be somewhere in 20 minutes and I need to take a sponge bath before I go because I have been hedge-whacking and I’m filthy, so I don’t have time for my planned post.

I think I’m going to change the name of this to: I Don’t Have Time For My Planned Post.

Here’s the short version: I rolled my ankle a few weeks ago but didn’t think much of it until I noticed that it was completely swollen and that nobbin on the outside was big smooth dome. It doesn’t hurt when I walk but doesn’t feel great in any other position than normal. I kind of ice it when I think of it. I’m sure it happened when I was running around in my garden shoes because I did it again this afternoon.

Toughen up ankle, I’ve got work to do.

Also I have a surprise project planned but here’s a hint: I’ve been googling “how to” topiary and aliens. Half-assed post about it, possibly, someday.

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I Always Have Chocolate In My Desk

I liked the sky so I took this picture.

I still don’t have time for a real post so I offer the following conversation with co-worker:

Me: I ate 3 chocolates so far this morning.

Him: Sheesh.

Me: The bag says a serving is 4 pieces so I haven’t even had a whole serving yet.

Him: They must be small.

Me: Yes, I bought them because I thought I could just eat one and it would be satisfying.

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Challah

Melissa Clark had this recipe on her website this week. It’s so pretty I had to try it. I didn’t do the braiding that she shows. I made two long strips and twisted them together. Mine looks good, too, although as usual I was doing too many things at once and it probably got a tad browner than it needed to. Tastes fantastic.

Don’t have time for the post I planned so instead I offer a conversation I had with my husband last week:

Him: Guess what? I got Henrietta Q. Wigglebottom to speak at my class!

Me: I don’t know who that is.

Him: You don’t know who that is? She’s the preeminent discoverer and inventor of some sort of random computery stuff that is completely amazing. How can you live with me and not know who that is?

Me: I don’t really listen to you.

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A Random Collection of Remarks Collected On A Post-It By My Desk

Did you know these even existed? I didn’t. I looked at them longingly at the grocery store and then remembered, “I’m a grown-up, I can buy whatever I want,” and I threw them in the cart.

I have been having the strangest dreams lately. Last night I dreamed someone excavated our backyard. I was so relieved that it looked fine when I looked out there this morning. I also keep having dreams where I’m wearing no pants. And every time I’m mortified, but no one else seems to notice so I just pretend like there’s nothing wrong.

*

I was supposed to have company this week and planned to take a day off. The company didn’t pan out but I still had the time off so I did something today that I haven’t done since I can’t remember. I spent the entire day writing. I didn’t do chores or errands or administrivia. I started when I woke up and stopped when Bob got home from work. I did take a break to exercise. It was pretty amazing although this story doesn’t seem to want to be finished. I am sure to be filled with seething resentment tomorrow when I have to do chores and errands and administrivia.

*

Did I ever write about how I put the mouse on the left side at the office? One week my mouse arm was really painful so in a fit of desperation I switched it. I’m a lefty for most things and can’t imagine why I started mousing with my right hand. My sister does, too. I learned to use a computer at home, it’s not like someone set it up that way for me.

I can’t believe how fast I adapted to it. I was already about 80% after a couple of hours. It took a little bit to get used to the left-right clicking. Last week I decided to put it back on the right and then I was completely confused and wonky again. I put it back. So now I mouse on the left at work and the right at home.

Like the gorilla? The tiger doesn’t even face the same way as the picture. They’re awful but in a wonderful nostalgic way.

In my early days of feta cheese eating, I bought Athenos: http://www.athenos.com. Seriously, check out that link. That website is hilarious.

But then at some point I switched to the Trader Joe’s cheapie kind. A couple of weeks ago we were having company so I decided to cough up and pay 3x more for the real deal imported sheep’s milk feta: it is like a different food. It is so amazing and delicious. I want to put it on everything.

Remember this photo? (From this post.)

I was doing some online shopping and this one shop had vintage sweats for $112. Yes, $112 sweat pants. I had to look a few times to make sure I wasn’t misunderstanding that.

But I still have the sweats from the photo above (although you can almost see through the seat) – so I already have vintage sweat pants, right?

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Apple Land

Yesterday I cleaned out one of my vegetable beds. I yanked out a sunflower and look what was underneath!

I somehow invented the sunflower potato.

When I was flopping around last night at 2am unable to sleep, I tried to think of names for my new vegetable: potato flower (nah), sunspud, suntater, sun potato (eh), sun nugget. I’m leaning toward suntater but I’m still working on it.

Meanwhile, it is now documented so I get full credit for developing this agricultural game changer.

Also yesterday was round 1 of apple sauce. We are going to be consuming gallons of this stuff in the next month.

As you can see, the apples aren’t very pretty. But they make up for it in volume. This bowl represents a fraction of what’s out there.

Normally I rake the ones I don’t use into a pile and after I put the garden to bed I bury them in there to compost.

However, there are so many, I’ve already dug auxiliary trenches in another part of the yard and buried about 9 buckets worth.

I need some livestock.

I’m going to can some, or jar some, as some folks like to say, but I think I might still have a pint or two from last year.

I forget that it’s there and it gets shoved back behind the cans of chicken broth and pinto beans.

We both had apple sauce sprinkled with granola for breakfast and it was terrific.

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