You're Doing It Wrong

I’m thinking about buying a new point-and-shoot camera. The one I have is only 2 years old but it’s pretty crappy. (See example above.) Also I dropped it at almost every Timbers game. That’s part of the game day ritual, picking my camera up from under the seats in front of me.

I’m thinking about getting one of those rugged ones that you can drop. Also, I tend to keep my camera in my bra so it’s handy and sometimes it gets sweaty. Those rugged ones are usually waterproof, too. We’ll see.

Last week I had a regular doctor checkup. They have a whole new computer system at the clinic. My giant file from the last 20 years was nowhere in sight. The ridiculously young nurse said, “You basically have no medical history, let’s start filling this in.”

I said, “What? Did you throw all the old records away?”

“No,” she said reassuringly. “We did this on purpose so that way we’d have more accurate records.”

This reminds of when your bank tells you that for your convenience they’re going to charge you more fees.

We went through the list and she’d say, “Oh, have you ever had something like this?”

And I’d say, “Uh, I think did have itchy forehead syndrome once.”

“Itchy forehead system,” she’d repeat and open a new window and asked me a million questions like what day did it start and how often did I have symptoms and what did I do and what medicines did I take.

WTF? “It was right after I graduated from college,” I said. “I can’t remember.”

Needless to say there was no incentive to remember any further medical issues.

Later the doctor came in for my exam. I love her. She’s super tiny and hilarious.

She and I went over my new accurate history and she said, “What? You’re smoking?”

“No,” I said. “I’m not.”

“It says here, you’re smoking.”

“Well, I’m not.”

She turns the computer screen to face me and points to the window. “It says, regular daily smoker.”

I’m super impressed with this accurate system.

I have an online baking account.

I meant to type banking but now I’m intrigued with the idea of online baking. How would that work?

Are there any married people who have figured out a completely problem-free way to share finances? I’m going to guess, not many.

We don’t have many huge disputes regarding finances since we both have similar spending styles. Neither of us is a addicted to gambling or expensive toys or credit cards. But, you know, nothing is perfect.

The general attitude is that it’s all both of our money, but we have it divided into separate piles.

So getting back to the beginning, I have an online savings account. I am the primary account holder and I make deposits from money that I earn myself.

The bank recently sent us some snail mails and they were addressed to him.

Why do you think that is? Because it’s a man name? And really, how hard is it to address the damn mail to both people?

I’ve experienced various versions of this since we got married. One utility company treated me like a roommate and made me sign a form promising to be financially responsible but then didn’t put my name on the account. I fixed that.

It’s 2013. I don’t understand why the default is the man, especially since only one person can be the primary shareholder. Why not make that the default?

I got all fired up to write a letter but figure they’d just print it out and hang it up in the lunch room and laugh at it.

Look at this guy cruising the backyard for mealy apples.

I think there might be something wrong with it. I’m not sure because I don’t know how opossum normally act. But since it was wandering around in broad daylight, it’s a good assumption.

Then it disappeared so now we can be too scared to take out the compost.

Bob and I both watched it waddle around.

I (compassionately) said: I hope it doesn’t die in our yard.

Bob said: You’re thinking that, too?

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I think it’s clear that I’m relatively old but I’m not old enough to be radical yet. It’s nice to see there’s still something out there for me:

TO BE OLD from stephanie barber on Vimeo.