You're Doing It Wrong

I paid $1.99 for gas last night. Me and all the other customers stood around nodding at each other and pumping our fists in the air.

Wall of Guitars at Experience Music Project in Seattle. Must be several years ago, look how light my hair is.

Ug. Just finished the paper version of the PamNewsletter. There has got to be an easier way.

The problem is I only use a page layout program once a year when I do the newsletter. In the olden days I just made sloppy margins and cut the photos to fit in the spot and then pasted them in and took the thing to the copiers.

Now my photos are digital and the program has become more advanced which I’m sure is fantastic for all the page layout people of America but for the once a year holiday newsletter types: it’s like reinventing the wheel every time. This is the third day I’ve spent screaming at the computer between all the various versions and photos. My head hurts.

Meanwhile, I’ve had this note scrawled here to give you my review of more movie trailers.

Memoirs of the Geisha: peeyoo. I remember gobbling up this book. I didn’t like the ending but overall it was a great story. I’ve seen this trailer several times and it looks like stinker-time. Sure, the look is pretty but I don’t know. A lot of the movies I object to look like they’re trying too hard (e.g. Cinderella Man, Cold Mountain, which had a terrible ending, who wants to see that movie?) I hope I’m wrong.

The Family Stone: got a little whiff of the stinky. A big pivotal bonding scene rests on someone spilling a big gooey thing on the kitchen floor and everyone slips and falls in it and then laughs? I bet they have a big scene where the whole family sings while clearing the table, too.

King Kong: EXCELLENTE! This is what I want to see on my birthday (probably). Bob was muttering something about Sleator Kinney. HA HA. My birthday.

Pirates of the Caribbean II: yes!

Would it be childish to mention Rent again? Also there was a trailer for a sports movie which looked pretty good but do we really need another “inspired by a true story” sports movie where a scrappy and hard-nosed coach comes in and rattles everyones cage and molds his team of misfits into winners?

I have yet another long and super busy week ahead of me. You might not see me here until next weekend.

NARNIA! [Most exclamation points used in a post: EVER!!!!]

I should preface anything I write about this movie (The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe) with the information that I first read this book in the 6th grade and loved it instantly. And I still love it and I’ve read it at least 20 times since then and I am convinced that this is a direct route to my 12 year old self because I love it as a 12 year old. I’m not convinced that your average adult, with zero knowledge of the book, will love the talking lion movie.

But I was on the edge of my seat every moment of it. Ten minutes into it and I was half-weepy excited to see it again. Can you believe Shawn Levy (the Oregonian movie reviewer) gave it a C+. WHAT?!?!?!?

He thought the acting and directing sunk a nice effort. He also had some remarks about the soundtrack and I have to half concede this point to him. But who cares, it’s Narnia. Mr. Tumnus come to life!

Yeah, sure. It is pretty much the Disney version of Lord of the Rings. But, so? The casting was perfect. The effects fantabulous. The talking animals — worked for me. Tilda Swinton a terrifying White Witch. And to quote Elijah Wood (Frodo), “The little girl carried the film. British teeth and all.” Who has never wanted to be Lucy Pevensie?

Other remarks: Anything added fit perfectly or helped the story, particularly the back story bits. One thing they perhaps telegraphed but didn’t make obvious was that the Turkish Delight was enchanted and partly what made Edmund so insane to bring his siblings to the White Witch. So while technically he was a traitor and ended up that way through his own stupidity, there was magic involved.

Rate me: Not Even A Tiny Bit Disappointed. One million stars!!!!! Ten thumbs up!!!! Instant Classic!!!

And movie goers: There’s a small scene after the credits roll so stay in your seats!

In third grade my teacher was Mrs. Rubenstein. I could be dreaming but I think it was Helen Rubenstein.

I don’t think Mrs. Rubenstein was living her dream spending her days at Rhoda Street Elementary School in a room filled with third graders. My memories of her consist solely of her screeching at us about one thing or the other.

One of her favorite tirades had to do when someone forgot something. For example, if someone didn’t have a pencil. She’d say: “Does a carpenter go to work without his hammer?” I guess this was her way of teaching us about responsibility.

All these years later I still can hear that screechy voice of hers when I don’t have a pencil. “Dang, stupid me. Does a carpenter go to work without his hammer?” Or when an attorney calls me for messages and can’t find a pen, I always want to say, “Does a carpenter go to work without his hammer?”

Another memory I have of her is one time, about 10 minutes before the bell, I started to peel an orange under my desk where no one could see. Mrs. R. could smell it and proceeded to go off, “Who’s eating an orange? We’re all hungry here. We’d all like a snack. But we’re all waiting. Who’s the person who can’t wait?”

Like I’d sacrifice myself to the humiliation of that caterwauling. Thankfully the bell rang and me and my orange skedaddled.

I call this one: tanorexia.

I am seriously, very very close to completing the PamNewsletter. The online version needs a bit of tweaking and the paper version needs to be put on paper, but other than that, we’re ready to roll. Stand by for the official annoucement.

Meanwhile, what a weekend. A great example of why decrepit adults should avoid alcohol and staying up late. A wee bit of partying and I am out the next day. On the plus side: the DVR is all caught up and made a major dent in my reading pile.

Did I tell you I saw the RENT (movie) trailer and wanted that 60 seconds of my life back? Seriously, rarely has a movie looked so dreadful. When I was a girl wasn’t this movie called A Chorus Line? I don’t follow theater at all so maybe I’m deluded. Pretty much any movie made from a musical play is not going to rate in my book. Even Chicago.

I did see Harry Potter this weekend in HIGH DEF. Excellent! And I saw Pride and Prejudice. Also excellent.

The other thing I was going to tell you is that when I pay for parking in my building it’s $7.95 which means I always get a nickel back. And at yoga it costs $1.90 so I get a dime back. My car is flooded with nickels and dimes. Nickels and dimes are in every crack, on the floor, between the parking brake and ashtray. Why not just make it an even number? Not like I’m not going to park there anymore.

I might have told you I was going to Idaho last week but actually I’m going tomorrow. Must get to packing the wool.

Guess what? It isn’t snowing right now.

The weather people have been on overdrive this week because there was the possibility of snow. *possibility*

Yesterday’s forecast insisted that we’d have snow overnight with huge accumulations. It didn’t feel cold enough to snow but I did some grocery shopping, just in case.

This morning when the alarm went off I could hear a little wind outside. I jumped up and looked out the window and: nothing. Wet. Rain. Still not cold enough to snow.

I turned on the TV to see what the story was and the news teams’ disappointment was palpable. They ran us through all their carefully accumulated footage of buses being chained up (for nothing) and took us to Hood River NOT EVEN CLOSE to the metro area to show us a “winter wonderland” which means there was enough snow flying around to make things look white. I imagine they would have delivered the report from Saskatoon if that’s what it took to show us snow. It was colossally stupid.

Then they ran us through some footage of someone preparing for an emergency. Buying a giant plastic tub to keep things dry. Buying jugs of water. I turned it off at that point because since when is snow a disaster? The people who live around the Great Lakes would be laughing their asses off right now except they’re getting on with their lives, working, playing, getting water out of the tap, eating food out of their dry cupboards even though there is snow outside.

I prepared for the pending snow disaster and took a big pile of work projects I could do at home. Then I forgot all that stuff when I came to work this morning.

If you could eliminate any musical artist from the planet — their entire catalog, who would you pick? Don’t waste it on just one song that you hate. Like I HATE The Safety Dance. Yesterday I asked Billy which artist he would eliminate — he couldn’t come up with someone right away — but I said, don’t waste it on just a song, like The Safety Dance. And he didn’t know The Safety Dance. He did not know:

We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine

I’m sighing with great exasperation even just typing that. Last night when I was driving home and radio surfing trying to find a good song I land on a station and what’s that tune … ? AK! The Safety Dance. I gasped and swerved and quickly punched another button.

But back to the artist I would eliminate. Off the top of my head: Phil Collins.

Turns out I am not having the hairy week I had expected. I had several in-office big projects that have been revised and then I was supposed to go to Idaho for a work related thing for several days and where it is snowing and the low is in the range of 23 degrees. There was an unfortunate event and the meeting(s) have been rescheduled for next week when I’m sure the temperatures will have climbed to a more reasonable range. Yeah, I know if anyone from Nome or Minnesota is reading this blog right now (ha ha) you are laughing into your triple layer wool underwear about now but, I am a California girl. I chill easily.

My Honda CRX had a windshield wiper on the back. Maybe because of the angle since it was a hatch they had to put it on there but I miss it. If you had one you’d realize how useful they are. Last night my Camry back window was dewed up or something that defrost was not going to solve. Not enough rain to wash it clear but a little too murky to make it useful to see out of.

Traffic was all backed up going home from yoga last night — took me 45 minutes when I left downtown at 7:15p. But I did not get impatient since I had 2.5 hours of class yesterday (Noon and 5:30p)(I had rearranged my yoga and other schedules in antipation of going to Idaho and decided to stick with it since I had my clothes and everything.) I drove peacefully in my blissful yoga daze with Def Leppard pounding out of the speakers.

Did I ever tell you about the time I hung out with Boba Fett? Yeah, well. You know what they say: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

I’ve been working on the feking-arsh PamNewsletter 05 ALL DAY. I don’t know why I’m in such a panic. It’s still November fercrissakes. It just seemed imperative that I get the thing done today.

I’ve been sitting here since about 9am just trying to get the CSS template the way I want it. Too bad I have no clue what I’m doing. In case you are curious, CSS is (simplified) the thing that makes the online newsletter look the way I want it to. It takes me about 10 minutes to write the text, 30 minutes to do the pictures and 15 hours to lay the thing out for the web plus another 12 hours to lay the thing out for the luddite paper version. And not like it looks so pretty. Oh well. When I was a girl we didn’t have computers. I’m unfrozen caveman legal assistant: your modern ways, they confuse and frighten me.

So here’s the update.

I cooked the Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah, sure it was only for 3 people, but I could have handled 10. I said I made mashed potatoes for 30 and Priscilla looked into the bowl with doubt and I said: I already put twice that much in a container in the fridge.

I’ve only done the whole dinner myself a couple of other times. I’m usually the assistant and Erin and Mom run the show. If there is any doubt: it turned out awesome. I made cheeseballs. Bob has been making turkey cheeseball sandwiches. Cheeseballs rock!

I don’t know where I was going with that. At dinner I said cooking was like yoga. If you practice the basics then when it’s time to do the advanced stuff: you’re ready for it. I was like a leaf. I floated on the wind.

Next week I have the most insanely hairy week. I doubt you’ll see me here again until next weekend. And hopefully you’ll have the Pamnewsletter to look forward to. Meanwhile, you can read the old versions here.

I found out the bus stop has been remodeled. This is the real bus stop for the kids in Orleans. Sorry for the confusion. I’ll try to get a photo with the xmas lights when I’m down there next month.