You're Doing It Wrong

This is from an actual postcard we got from the company that makes the Congressional Directory we use at the office. The directory is compact, easy to use and I think everyone should have one. (No, they aren’t paying me to say this.) It has everything you could ever want to know about the government. Each state starts with a picture of the state and its population. For example, Idaho has approximately 1.5 million people. It lists the governors, senators, representatives and brief bio and contact info.

It has tons of info you didn’t even know you were interested in. U.S. Senate Cloak Room – (D) or (R)? Call them right now. Congressional committees, cabinet officers. A handy map of Washington, D.C. And tons of things I’m not going to mention. It’s fun to look at even if you don’t need it for your job.

But envy seems a stretch.

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New Rule

If your backpack needs its own seat on the bus then it needs to pay full fare.

This is what I did today:

Wrote 2630 words

Dug up those weird purple bulb-things that grow into tall yellow flowers

Raked all the leaves and buried the compost into giant holes I dug in the garden

Went on a lovely sunset walk with Bob

Made 40 tamales.

And finally had Bob take this photo of the giant coat for Eden beautiful zombie girl of Chicago.

A couple weeks ago I was getting something from my car when I noticed this display on the front door. I never saw snails with shells up here until they magically appeared in my own yard. And now they’re breeding. I can’t get the snail bait out there fast enough.

What was it thinking? Do snails think? It really thought it would be a good idea to go up my my front door with some sort of distracted side-tracking in the middle and then perch above the front door?

Is this considered lucky in some cultures?

It disappeared the next day or rather returned to the bushes and ate some snail bait and the good luck is over.

I’m still depressed about Twilight. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should go back and see it again. Maybe it won’t be as mediocre as I remember.

The title of this post came from a commercial during my wait for Twilight. You can’t make that stuff up.

I wish I could have a conversation with the stoner that set the line-up of trailers that went before Twilight.

First was Harry Potter. Okay. Then there was a trailer for a horror movie called The Unborn that made me want to crap my pants in fear during the few seconds I had to sit through it. Then was a dumb “boys go to cheerleading camp” called Fired Up.

Then there was a series of trailers that stand for the proposition that you can put up any turd with thumping music and lots of quick cuts and make it look plausibly decent: Valkyrie (Tom Cruise, already know how it ends); something action-y with Dakota Fanning that looks like Hong Kong X-Men, one more that I can’t understand my notes.

I’m sure you’re dying to hear what I thought of Twilight.

Didn’t hate it. But didn’t think it was too good. There were some very satisfying moments for fans of the books but the script and the direction were tragically awful. Some of the modifications worked. I loved the high school kids. I loved the baseball scene except I could have done without some of the effects. I loved the big fight scene at the end except that ever single second of it already aired on the previews. They should have dragged that out a bit more.

I thought the movie wrecked my favorite part(s) of the book which were the big Port Angeles dinner and drive home and the trip to the meadow.

My most ginormous peeve is that Jacob did not speak anything like a reservation Indian. Reservation Indians have very distinct ways of speaking. You would think that for the one movie of the year that had actual Indian parts, they might have done a TINY bit of homework and got that bit right. I’m available for consultation if they want help with the sequels.

So as a fan: yes, worth it. Satisfying. Loved the first moment Edward appeared on screen.

But overall: could have been better.

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Last night we saw Annie Leibovitz at Arts & Lectures.

My dear husband gave me a documentary to watch which I grumbled about. He wrote about it here. I don’t have time to watch the shows I want to watch. I don’t need anyone feeding the pile.

But I came home Wednesday and stuck it in the machine and was completely captivated.

When Bob came home I had to tell him he was right and it made me enjoy the lecture that much more.

Bob’s review of the lecture is here

She read from her new book coming out and showed a bunch of slides starting with early in her career and touching a lot of her most famous photos.

I very distinctly remember the John Lennon and Yoko photo. And I very distinctly remember John’s murder. I don’t remember those things happening together.

An amazing career. We talked about it and agreed it was the right personality and talent at the right time.

I had a third topic for tonight but I can’t remember right now.

If someone calls me and seems to know who I am but I don’t recognize who they are, I will normally just keep talking until I figure out who it is. I very rarely ask, “Who is this?”

The other night my cellphone rang around eight pm and I thought I recognized the voice but I wasn’t sure. He started with one of those breathless, “Heys!” which I returned. Then he asked how I was doing and I said fine and asked how he was doing. He asked if I was still at work and I said no, I was at home. How about him? He said several other generic chatty things that were too vague to make a postive ID.

Then he said (Joey Tribbiani voice): Are you still interested in hanging out tonight?

And I said: “Uh, I think you have the wrong number because I haven’t the slightest idea who this is.”

And he said bye and quickly hung up.

I mentioned before that there’s a gap in the wall between me and the office next door so I can hear that guy over there.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

His name is Roger.

His cellphone rings the Lone Ranger music. For obvious reasons, this makes me uneasy.

He keeps irregular hours.

He has chronic cough.

He tapes up a lot of stuff. I hear that SKRIIIIT sound of tape every afternoon he is there.

I’m thinking I should see a hypnotist or something about my driving anxiety.

I’ve always been an anxious driver but it seems like it’s getting exponentially worse. Like if I have to go anywhere off my normal beaten path I have to go through all these extra preparations and if there’s the slightest unexpected blip, my heart races and my knees tremble.

I keep asking myself what exactly am I anxious about? It’s not like a terror about accidents although I do have an exaggerated fear of skidding into a vehicle in front of me. I’m committed to safe following distance.

I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like I’m afraid all the other cars will beat me up if I do something wrong.

I found the scribbles of genius in my coat pocket this morning. Yay. I had intended to look there but since I was having the world’s busiest weekend, and the weekend did not involve any rain, I never got around to it.

Yesterday on the way home from the candle party the traffic came to a screeching halt at the bottom of the Marquam Bridge. I figured there was something going on at the Rose Garden Arena and we’d be past it soon and cranked my Scorpions Rockers and Ballads CD a few notches and didn’t worry about it.

But when we got to the Rose Quarter, I realized that everyone wasn’t getting off the freeway. I also noticed that the only cars coming from the opposite direction were coming from the onramp.

I felt a little bit queasy about this because if the freeway is totally shut down, it can’t be good. Then we curved around and there was an RV sideways – completely blocking the entire southbound freeway. (To clarify, my side wasn’t blocked, we were lookie-loos.) It was so perfectly sandwiched in there, they were still trying to sort out how to tow it. There was maybe a 3 foot space between the back end and the freeway median.

It didn’t look bad enough that anyone was hurt, only a pain to clean up. This morning I looked for skidmarks on my way in to see if I could figure out what happened. It’s a spot where three lanes goes to two and looks like the RV had to brake hard probably because some jackass zoomed around on the right, and then skidded perfectly sideways.

I found this last time I downloaded photos. I took it from the yoga studio parking lot two weeks ago. Two weeks later the rain was pounding down and all the leaves were gone.

On Thursday on the bus on the way home I had a great idea for solving a story problem I’m having. I scribbled it on the back of the grocery list I was holding since I was making a stop on the way home.

Then I got groceries. Now I can’t find my genius scribblings. I even looked through the recycling. I think I remember everything so it’s not really a tragedy. But I wish I could find it. I might check the grocery bags.

I just did my daily word on a writing date with Kira. Now I’m off to hurry up and do chores before I go to the candle party with Kathy.

Non-Binding Agreement to determine whether removing dams on the Klamath is feasible.

* * *

I’m in the middle of the world’s busiest weekend and need to head out the door as soon as I have a snack.

Yesterday was the first day I didn’t hit my word minimum and today is looking more grim. Sure, I could be doing it right now but I’m hungry and need a power nap. (For the record, I did write, but only on a non-NaNo project that we read at writer’s group today.)

Maybe when I get home tonight.