You're Doing It Wrong

Wow. I’m grumpy this morning.

I just wrote 400 words about how much I hate all email programs that aren’t 2005 and earlier Eudora. Then I poured another cup of tea and realized no one wants to read that.

Then I started ranting about Ann Taylor. But I found some cookies so I deleted that, too, and will just say that my attempt to burn through my giftcard via Internet ordering failed so I’m still not done with them. They are doing nothing to convince me that they want my business.

I think I might break open this box of See’s and see if I can get some work done.

Timbers!

This is going to be another rambling thematically unlinked post.

This morning I got on the freeway behind a giant truck that I think was running on coal and camel fat. It was a curious smell coming from those bursts of murky exhaust.

Yesterday afternoon I went to the Timbers playoff game which was completely awesome. It was sunny, big crowd, cold beer. Exciting game. It ended in a 3-3 draw but the Timbers were eliminated because they lost the previous game 2-1. Bummer. But a great way to end the soccer season.

I’ve just started a major writing project that involves soccer so I’ve been thinking about soccer all weekend. World Cup starts June 11. Woo! Check out the official mascot Zakumi. He looks like the lovechild of a leopard and the Jolly Green Giant. I might have to replace my Shane in the lily pads desktop background for one of these Zakumi wallpapers because they are hilarious.

We found my camera battery charger yesterday. And when I say we, I mean Bob who miraculously found it downstairs in his man cave.

I noticed yesterday that the bulb company didn’t send me a catalog this year. Normally I’d be ordering my spring bulbs now. This reminds me of an experience I had with a completely unrelated company and goes under the heading: WTF with the marketing?

A couple years ago Mom gave me her bulb catalog to order. Now I was in their system. I started getting blizzards of catalogs. They didn’t just have X Bulb Catalog. They had about 20 bulb and flower catalogs. And maybe birdhouses. Or knitted things. I can’t remember. I called them up and told them to knock it off. The following year I ordered from them via the Internet. Now they had my email. EVERY WEEK I would get an email pimping some evening birdsong kiwi crocuses or Danish sunset tiger lilies.

You know what I don’t even think about much less purchase every week?

Flower bulbs.

So I told them to knock it off.

So now I get nothing? That’s the choice: bombarded or nothing? That’s what happened with the other company, too. They sold my name to every Tom, Dick and Harry in the world and when I told them to knock it off they stopped sending me their catalog. The one with stuff that I actually wanted to buy. So I called and asked what that was all about and they said I could open a new account with a different name.

They are doing it wrong.

My haircut lady phoned me last weekend to tell me she’s getting out of the business. She started working out at the mall at the beginning of the summer and I knew she didn’t like it there. I asked her if she meant the mall or cutting hair altogether. She said she was trying to get another business started. The styling job was too slow.

If you’ve ever seen my hair you’d wonder why I’d pay someone to cut it. I cut my own hair for years and years after I gave up that horrible Carol Brady shag I had in college. (Barely exaggerating – the haircut was so awful I don’t even think it was funny. I burn any photos I run across. I’m so grateful there was no Facebook back then.)

I started seeing my current person back when I was trying to improve my style and I wanted to get highlights or a weave or some fancy thing I thought was a good idea. I liked it at first but it cost a lot of money and took forever to do. I don’t have the patience to invest a lot of time into vanity.

Then I went back to my regular boring hair but I like my person so I still went to see her for a cut and style every other month. I don’t know the exact timeline, I think I’ve been with her 10 years. She’s moved salons at least six times. The mall was the sixth.

I hope it all works out for her. Meanwhile, I’m cutting my own hair again.

I accomplished a lot of things this weekend but not as many as I wanted. I made another batch of tomato sauce today and froze in serving-appropriate packages. I also did a small batch of applesauce but just for eating. I didn’t want to deal with canning today. Now I’m cranky and I have two more things I want to do before bed.

I still can’t find my camera battery charger. I keep thinking when I clean off a shelf or tidy up a drawer, it’s going to appear but so far no luck. I’m going to have to figure it out soon because ye olde camera battery is wearing down. I’m guessing the best way to find it would be to buy a new one.

Portland Cutlery went out of business at the beginning of the year. I got my knives sharpened there. I was sorry to see it go. I bought a bunch of stuff when they were clearing out. I still wish I had bought those steak knives.

Now I don’t know where to get my knives sharpened. There’s a chain store at the mall but I’m afraid they just have a machine in the back and the kid sticks the knife in and waits for a buzzer to go off and then comes back out and charges you $8. I haven’t investigated. This is a story I’ve invented as an excuse not to go to the mall.

I should learn to sharpen knives myself. Because you know, I really need one more thing for the weekend list.

This is my first weekend free and at home in two weekends and my first weekend at home without rain since before Labor Day. That means the yard is jungle, the house is a mess and my personal universe is untidy, my list a mile long and I don’t know where anything is. I have something like 200 emails sitting in their various folders and about 20 things on my desktop that I need to deal with and oodles of photos that have been downloaded, many 2-3 times, unlabeled in stupidly named folders, which is always a recipe for disaster.

This morning I decided to tackle house stuff before electronic stuff. So I’ve done housework, processed another batch of tomatoes, laundry load #5 is churning right now. I whacked back the hedge out front and implemented my “15 minutes-a-week to a weed-free yard” routine which is a big fat failure so no sense attempting to replicate in your own weedy yard.

Now I’m pooped and I can’t decide whether to work on some of the stuff on my desk or make food and watch TV. Hm.

Tomorrow will be a major writing and office organization day along with more tomato harvest and processing. And I’ll probably whip out a loaf of bread. I need to feed my sourdough before I forget.

One big thing happened which is that last week I made my first professional sale. Or any sale, ever.

Asimov’s Science Fiction is going to publish my story: “The Battle of Little Big Science” which I wrote during Clarion West, week #3.

I’m not really sure why I’m not making a bigger deal about it. It’s like I’ve been working for this for so long and now that it’s finally happened, I’m too embarrassed to talk about it. I don’t think that bodes well for my future in this business.

I don’t know the publication date, yet. Sometime next year. I’ll post about it endlessly at that time so you’ll have plenty of time to run to the store and buy 20 copies. Hopefully, there will be more to come. But I’ll need to work on submitting first.

This was the scene in Atlanta. Comfy clothes. Laptops. Snacks. Kira.

I keep thinking that I’m going to have more time to write stuff later but then the time never comes. Meanwhile, all these things I want to report on keep piling up. This is going to be it.

I don’t think I have anything to add to the Atlanta stuff I already wrote. It was a good trip and I’d love to do it again.

My new close personal friend Lila. This is the only picture in the car that turned out because she’s not a sit still kind of dog.

Twice in the last two weeks I’ve had that college dream where I have to go back to college and I don’t know where I’m going to live. I also have that dream where I’m in college but forgot to go to my class. This is a housing-anxiety specific dream. I haven’t had it in ages. I also had that dream where my teeth are falling out. I hate that dream. I always wake up and touch my teeth with relief.

Took Mom and Dad to a soccer game. Timbers won.

Mom and Dad came to town last Thursday and we’ve been running around doing all kinds of stuff. Besides soccer we shopped around downtown, went out to many fine meals, went for a walk on the nature trail, bought lamps, saw The Informant! which I recommend seeing knowing as little about it as possible. It was a nice surprise. We went to the Farmer’s market and then Bob took Dad to see Inglorious Basterds and I took Mom to Powell’s and the cooking store.

This is the crowd at Chapman School. There are about twice this many people behind us.

Probably the best thing we did while they were here was go see the Vaux Swifts at the Chapman School.

This is one of those things that I’ve heard about for years and it always sounded cool but was never anything we made a point of doing before. Swifts are birds that are migrating to South America. They eat bugs in Portland and at dusk in September they all fly into this chimney at the Chapman School. Here’s the Audubon page that will explain the whole thing with more facts.

It’s a huge scene with tons of people and kids. They bring picnics and get together in groups.

We spread out a blanket on the lawn. The birds were active when we got there but as the light faded there were more and more and their movements became less chaotic.

Big blur of Vaux Swifts Going to Bed

It’s tough to convey just how cool it was, especially since I’m tired and trying to hurry with this so I can go to bed. It’s like huge clouds of birds swirling in a mass and then floating into this chimney.

A falcon and a hawk showed up for a snack and all the people started booing. Then at one point the cloud of swifts chased the falcon across the sky and everyone clapped.

Near the end there was this giant mass of birds twisting like a tornado and then another mass of swifts joined it and it was like it was choreographed and everyone applauded.

Everything about the evening was perfect.

This clip gives a vague idea of what it’s like.

I brought in another 6 lbs. of tomatoes on Friday. That means 16 lbs. last week. I made a salsa and pasta sauce. Photos to come. I’ve got another busy week ahead but I think I’ll have time for more updates.