You're Doing It Wrong

Patti with surprise appearance by Severus Snape. (Peter Buck)

When I started this post almost two hours ago, it was going to be about seeing Patti Smith talk about her new memoir this week. But we’ve had a minor clusterfuk in the meanwhile so I’m going to write about that instead.

Here’s Hannah’s review of Patti in Seattle. The first time I met Hannah was at a soccer game. The second time I met Hannah was at a Patti Smith show. If the third time we met it was at a Star Wars convention, we would have had to get married. But she’s not a Star Wars fanatic. But she loves to read and is a fiction librarian which is even better. But we already married other people.

Here’s Bob’s review of Patti in Portland.

Onto today’s surprise adventure.

We have this giant hedge between our house and the house next door. Today we had someone come over to prune our trees and whack back the hedge.

A couple of hours ago he knocked on the door to let me know that he’d accidentally cut the phone line to the house next door. Okay! Crap!

I got on the horn and sat through the phone tree from hell, did a song and dance to get the repair department. “No not my phone, the phone next door,” and so forth like this. They told me there was no record of them having a landline.

Yay! They won’t be inconvenienced.

The phone company made an appointment to come fix it anyway and I put a note on the neighbor’s door letting them know what was happening.

Could it possibly be that easy?

No. Neighbor comes over and thanks me for the note but informs me she has no cable and no internet. And she’s not happy. And who can blame her? Who wants to come home from work and find you have no cable because of your stupid neighbors?

So now I have to get on the horn with Comcast and go through another phone tree. [Hint: when the phonebot asks you to explain the problem yell at it. It’ll transfer you to a person.] More back and forth and when can they come? Monday. Yikes! Please don’t make me go to angry neighbor’s house and tell her she has to wait until Monday. More back and forth. The best they can do is tomorrow.

Then back to the phone company’s phone tree to cancel that service call.

Then over to neighbor’s with more apologies and explanation.

Then pour a glass of wine.

Let’s just hope the repair goes as planned. The guy said “there is no way on earth someone won’t be there to repair it tomorrow.”

Another photo from Germany. Look at my Mom’s giant purse. That’s my sister exiting the WC. Me and my bitchin feathered hair are holding my Kodak camera which must be the source of the old packet of random photos of castles and lakes with no people or interesting things to look at that I have in my photo box.

Here’s a journal entry from that trip, exactly as in original:

Sunday August 20th
Today we went to a old ruined castle. The walls were thick and high. There was a wonderful view of the Rhine River. We crossed the border and went to Heidleburg. Heidleberg is a wonderful little city where we stayed in a nice hotel with featherbeds and a nice big bathroom. We took a short walk to the train station. That night we went to a famous resteraunt and had a good meal.

You can really get a sense of my early genius. I’m grateful we didn’t lose that detail about the hotel bathroom.

In the process of my regular Sunday afternoon taking stock of things I noticed that I have a crazy busy week coming up. Posting will be cranky if at all.

I don’t know exactly where this photo was taken. I’m going to guess somewhere in Germany around 1978-ish. Nice lighting.

I especially love that my pants desperately need hemming and that I’m carting around the world’s biggest purse. How practical. What was I carrying? Hairstyling supplies? Lunch for four? The Complete Kent Family Chronicles? Also I’m pretty sure the collar on that shirt is pink satin. I wish I still had it.

Today’s “why do we always see this in stories?” topic is: unlocked storage rooms.

TV, movies and fiction always seem to have conveniently located unlocked storage rooms when they need them. Often for amorous purposes. I remember a show where some people did it in a storage room at the airport.

When was the last time you saw an unlocked storage room anywhere?

This book I just read not only had an unlocked storage room but it was huge. There were four people in there and fighting and at one point someone was running from someone else. This was at a night club.

Maybe I’m not going to the right places.

I think I got this thing in the second grade which would be, urgh, early seventies. It was part of a whole desk set. There was a stapler. A letter opener. A blotter. A noteholder. You had to buy it all separately and I wanted the complete set for the important work I did at my desk when I was seven.

My income was pretty tiny at the time so I only got this, the stapler and the noteholder. The other items are long gone but I still use this thing to hold my paperclips and safety pins.

I have way too many projects going right now and it looks like I’m not going to finish any of them.

One of the projects is working on revisions to a story and I had two productive days but now I’m all gummed up in the same part that been giving me fits since the first draft. I think I have it under control but I’m not going to finish today which is a bummer because I have some momentum and probably won’t have time again until next weekend.

Other projects I’m not finishing include updates to my bio page and the photo letter I’m doing for my Aunties in Germany.

Meanwhile, I thought I’d take advantage of the break between storms and got my butt out into the yard. I took care of a bunch of stuff that I neglected to do in the fall. I cleaned up dahlia stalks and raked junk and hopefully discouraged tons of weeds. I don’t think it’s possible to discourage weeds. I think attacking them now just kills the weak ones and makes more room for the vicious ones to come in later.

I also pruned the roses.

When the people moved in next door they asked about the roses between the houses. I said that the roses went with their house (they’re renters) but that I’d been taking care of them. They said they didn’t mind taking care of them but I guess there was a misunderstanding because no one watered, clipped or paid attention to the roses ever again.

I decided to prune them and I was deep into it when this loud bark-howling cuts loose behind me. I jumped out of my skin and turned around and there’s a huge black dog trotting over from the hedge between our houses. I have adult onset fear of dogs but I held it together and scolded him for startling me. He turned out to be a big friendly labrador-hound something who cowered behind me when his master came out to drag him back to his own yard.

It took about 45 minutes for my heartrate to return to normal.

The other night I jabbed myself with one of the dullest kitchen knives we have. We were in the last phases of getting dinner on the table so I squeezed it with a paper towel for a minute and then threw on a bandage. Later I noticed this.

Does anyone else ever think about crime shows when you throw a bloody paper towel into the garbage? If something terrible happened and the detective team had to come search the house and they’d hold up the bloody paper towel with their tweezers and gloved hands and use it as proof that something terrible happened. Even though really you just cut your finger in the kitchen.

Hm. I think about that.

What are bandages made out of these days? Before I went to bed I decided I’d better do a little proper first aid on my wound and it took me a couple of minutes to scrape that thing off my finger. There was a brief moment of panic when I thought it might be bonded to me forever.

Looking upriver. Klamath River at Dolans Bar.

Last night I dreamed I was visiting this pie making class.

I was telling the pie makers about this recipe I wanted to try. It’s a pumpkin pie but you put chunks of dark chocolate onto the pie crust before you pour the filling in. I have this recipe in real life and, for reasons unknown, I still haven’t tried it.

In the dream one of the pie makers made a pumpkin pie with two handfuls of candy corn.

When I woke up I kinda wanted to look online and see if there was such a recipe. But I’m not sure how I would feel if there was.

My only other comment of the day: is the “tips to a flat belly” ad financing the Internet? Almost every single site I read has these ads for the secrets to a flat belly. I clicked on it and right now it’s on sale, for a limited time (heh heh) for $40. I guess it’s a book and secrets? I spent about 20 years of my life as a professional dieter and I can say with a great deal of confidence FOR FREE that it’s how much you eat vs. how active you are. There is no magical formula because believe me, I would have found it. I guess I should keep my thoughts to myself because otherwise who is going to pay for the Internet?

I finally fixed my template so I can have blog titles. One thing off my list.

I still want to fix the archives so there isn’t a list a half-mile long but one thing at a time.

The major announcement for now is that the books page has been spruced up and rearranged.

My most recent books posts are here.

If you use a feed reader you can try one of these:

https://www.pamrentz.com/pampage/bks/atom.xml

https://www.pamrentz.com/pampage/bks/rss.xml

I’m still goofing around with templates and stuff and hopefully will not screw it up beyond recognition.

Did you know there is such a thing as irregular jelly beans? And that you can buy them for a screaming discount? Me either. Until my husband surprised me earlier this week.

Welcome Back and Let’s Light Your Hair On Fire

What a crazy week. Actually it wasn’t really crazy just much busier than I was prepared for and toss in just enough of a head-cold to make sleeping difficult and you’ve got a week that pretty much wiped out all the rest and relaxation that I’d stockpiled from December. The headcold thing wasn’t too nasty as far as winter colds go although I have an awesome nose-callus now.

Last night I got into bed at 8:30 to read and after spending 5 minutes reading the same sentence I put the book away and turned out the light and passed out immediately. Bob said he could tell I was really tired because I left his iPod and book sitting on the bed and normally I move all that stuff before I go to sleep. I slept like the dead and feel human again today.

We saw Christopher Hitchens on Tuesday night. Here’s Bob’s review. I didn’t know much about him before the lecture and he’s my new hero. I’m tempted to say I’m going to run out and read his latest book. But I’m about five years backlogged on reading. My goal for 2010 is to add fewer books than I read. (Ha! Wish me luck.)

Remember my problem with my plane ticket? Part I, Part II. So where we last left it was the airline said not to worry about it.

I haven’t been able to get our seat assignments online so I called the Airline and figured while I had them on the phone maybe I should clarify the name on the ticket problem seeing as how there was a security issue last month. [Long rant about this omitted.]

After being transferred around a few times I get a very nice man who is confident that this is a ginormous problem. I told him the airline had said there was no problem. And he said, sure, the airline doesn’t care. But TSA cares. He said that people who showed up with tickets where there wasn’t a space between their first and middle names were having problems. [At least people on the actual no fly list are getting through — See omitted long rant above.]

What do I do?

Well, you can cancel your ticket and buy a new one.

And kiss my screaming good deal good-bye.

Or I can ask them to reissue the ticket and pay a fee.

I’m going on the trip. I need ticket. So I guess I’ll suck up. I made a mistake. I’ll pay $75 to fix it.

$250. He says it’s $250 dollars to reissue the ticket.

Would you think poorly of me if I said that I practically cried?

He transferred me over to yet another person who was happy to help me with my problem. She was super nice and sane sounding like the person who lives next door and has no problem bringing in your garbage can when you’re on vacation.

And after all that she didn’t charge me. Whew! I would have hugged her and cleaned her bathrooms if that was an option. Also I can’t call them LameAss Airlines any more.

So airline ticket fixed. Seat assignments procured. The plane tickets are to Amsterdam but the bulk of the trip is visiting family in Germany. Previous trips: 1997, 2000, 40th bday 03 and xmas 2004.

Also the guys came back and took another run at the leaking problem and that seems to be fixed.

So mood at the moment: cautious optimism.