The Ultimate Fruit

I like prunes. I buy them plain in big tubs or flavored in foil bags — but not the cherry essence. Those taste like cough syrup. I like my prunes after dinner for something sweet.

Apparently, America isn’t consuming enough prunes. Perhaps the youth of today thinks of this a food for old people who need to keep their digestive systems moving.

Recently they (you know, “they” in this case probably some Prune Association of America) decided to rename them “dried plums.” Also if you look at the picture of the fruit on the bag, it shaped less round and more pear-like, but juicy fresh (because of course they can’t put the dried prune looking picture on the bag.)

The other night I read the bag for some reason and looks like the expert marketing committee behind this great re-imaging of the prune has been working overtime. These are actual quotes (and punctuation, but I’m too proud to recreate the bold, extra large fonts for you) from the bag:

“Way, way, way more nutritious! Using the Nutrition Density Index (NDX™) you can compare “apples to oranges”, and Dried Plums to all other fruits. When you do, you’ll find that compared to fresh fruit: Dried Plums Rule!”

“Dried Plums are so nutritious, people send us amazing testimonials! Read these remarkable accounts at Amazing” [Hey, I checked the link and they’re under construction. Not too late to send in your testimonials.]

“Tuck some in your purse, briefcase, lunch box, or even your pocket (try that with fresh fruit); [ ] Dried Plums won’t ever bruise! Dried Plums are “the ultimate fruit” for today’s on-the-go lifestyles.”

Doesn’t it sound like they’re trying too hard?

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