When Things Don’t Work As They Should, Part I

I unclogged my own sink this afternoon.

It’s been draining more and more slowly for quite some time. I put one of those enzyme drain openers in a couple weeks ago and bought myself another week but it quickly went back to barely tolerable. I could have called a plumber except we’ve had a plumber in here in the last 6 months and I hate being helpless at seeminly routine house problems.

I looked online for methods of dealing with clogged drains. Half the sites make it sound like it’s a psychosomatic situation. “Try flushing with hot water.” If that was going to work, the drain wouldn’t be clogged. The environmental people don’t want you to use drain cleaners because they’re hugely toxic and horrible. In my personal experience, there is no substance you can add to a clogged drain, toxic or not, that will do jack squat.

Regardless, I tried the non-toxic thing because that’s what I had in the house: baking soda and boiling water. I dumped in the soda and poured the water and was encouraged to see the fizzing action. Then the drain stopped up completely.

I went and got the plunger which I found two weekends ago when I cleaned out the shed in the backyard (there’s a story there too but don’t know if I will get to it.) I applied “steady, rhythmic, and forceful downward and upward strokes” until it felt like homeowner porn and my entire upper body got a cramp.

Normally, at this point I would have quit in a furious huff. I was furious and called my sink all kinds of very vicious bad words which I’m sure made it feel very bad but didn’t unclog it. I couldn’t quit because we have company coming over tomorrow and I can’t have a stopped up sink in my bathroom when company comes over. So I went to the next step and got a bucket and put it under the sink and futzed around with that trap or loop or whatever it’s called. It wasn’t pretty and I don’t think I’ll ever get the memory of that smell out of my head but I cleared my own effing drain.

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