Tag Archives: I won’t wear it

In Reference To The Stoves Required At This Post

I don’t like to wear sunglasses. I feel like I can’t see when I have them on. I have an sunglasses holder in my car and every once in awhile it will be super bright out (only about 3 days a year in this neck of the woods) and I’ll reach into the holder for sunglasses. Only there are never any glasses in there because I don’t wear sunglasses.

A few weeks ago it was really bright out and I reached into the sunglass holder and found these. We got them as a promo at a game last year but I don’t remember putting them in the car. They don’t really help with the whole, “I feel like I can’t see when I have them on” thing.

This morning I finished George Saunders. Then I picked up my Siskiyou County Historical Society publication.

With very little editing, the “Selected Entries from Military Notes from Fort Jones, 1852-1858″ could pass for a George Saunders story. It’s hard to find even a brief quote that conveys the dark hilarity of these letters. The gist of this particular exchange is that Fort Jones needs some cookstoves because they either have to cook outside or with some sort of stove that has chimneys made of mud and don’t draw well and all the food is sooty.

Here’s a tidbit from a letter from D.A. Rupell dated January 4th, 1855:

The condition of the chimneys, and the means now used for cooking, are a most serious annoyances to the officers, and a source of very great dissatisfaction among the men — and as the cost of material at this place with which to build proper chimneys would be very great, the length of time which must elapse before they could be completed, and the entire uncertainty of their being fit for use after they are completed, I think it would be a matter of economy, as well as justice for the A.A.Q.M. to purchase two cooking stoves for the above purposes if such purchase would be allowed by the Department.

Naturally, I have no sympathy since the letters also discuss one of the troops’ main purposes for being there: operations against the Indians. The book is called the Siskiyou Pioneer and Yearbook, 2012 and if you want to get your hands on a copy, try the gift shop.

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Point of No Return

I’ve had a gift card for new exercise clothes since my birthday. I tried to use it at least a half dozen times but always seemed to get interrupted before I was finished or else when I finally found the perfect item it was only available in XXS or neon green.

I like to go through the comments where people describe the fit. If there are lots of comments that the clothes run small or that an item looks cute but is uncomfortable on, this is helpful information but it’s time consuming.

I finally sat down with all my notes and figured out what I wanted and placed my order. And then when it arrived the pants were too tight. I think they might have been doable but I don’t like skin tight pants and would never have wanted to wear them so I decided to do a return.

The invoice that came with the order exclaimed how easy returns were! Then proceeded with three paragraphs of tiny writing that made no sense. Use the pre-printed return label. There was no pre-printed return label. Use the same packaging the clothes came in. You mean this plastic bag that I had to rip open to get the clothes out?

This company has about 5 brands You had 45 days to make the return unless you only had 30 days to make the return although some clothes could be returned anytime. You could return them to an actual store unless you couldn’t. You could call and they would credit the return but charge your credit card and then credit it back and upgrade the shipping.

On and on it went. I seriously considered whether it might be easier to just lose weight so the pants fit.

Finally I called and navigated one of those phone trees that makes you say what you want to a robot. You can’t just press a button. I prefer to press a button. It also had no choices that fit my situation: “Doesn’t understand return procedures” and it took a few rounds to get it. But finally, Mitsy picked up the phone. She was super perky and ultimately very helpful. She ran me through an equally confusing thing about my credit and gift card. Something like it takes three weeks to get the gift card return because you have to get the credit in the same form you paid and I used a combo of gift card and credit card. But I could get the exercise pants now if I gave her my credit card and then use the new gift card on a future purchase. Or I could wait and call back. Or I can get one pair of pants now and one later. Let’s check how much we have in stock.

I was still confused but Mitsy’s over-powering confidence urged me to a decision. So I think I bought a pair of bigger pants and then will get a gift card in a few weeks and can start all over with a new order. And if I don’t like the new pants, I will keep them anyway.

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Things I Don’t Wear

Fleece – I can’t explain what my thing is about fleece. Why wouldn’t I like fleece? I was looking at some cute stuff in a catalog last night and then read the description and wrinkled my nose and muttered, “fleece.”

Heels – I gave up heels a long time ago purely as a comfort thing. I’d much rather my feet be happy than fashionable. Lately I’ve been thinking I might like to buy a nice dress that I can wear to holiday parties for the next 10 years and if I get a nice dress, perhaps I should get some heels. The most comfortable heels on the market. Is there such a thing?

Things Around My Neck – I don’t like turtlenecks, mock turtlenecks or any kind of shirt or sweater that goes right up around my neck. I don’t mind scarves to keep my neck warm in winter.

Capris – I hate Capri pants. To me, they look like a mistake. I do wear Capri yoga pants because my legs are freakishly short and if I bought regular yoga pants I would have to hem them and I don’t want to hem yoga pants. I know this makes little sense but it’s my list and I don’t wear Capri pants.

Pastels – almost every year my folks give me a clothing gift certificate for Christmas and sometimes I sit on it for awhile so that by the time I finally venture out into shopping land, the Spring stuff is out and it’s all ooky pastels. I’m not a pastel person. I don’t even wear many colors. I have the black/gray/brown wardrobe. Lately I’ve gotten crazy and branched out into some burgundy and I bought a shirt that’s light blue. Watch out.

Flip-flops – which were called “thongs” when I was a girl. I wore flip-flops a lot in my younger days and I can’t explain why at this point in my life, the thought of wearing a shoe with a thing between my toes, skeeves me out. Also, I think that some flip-flops look sloppy which is fine for the beach or the mall but maybe not the best for the office or a nice restaurant. This is one of those things where I can tell I’m getting to be an old lady because while in principle, I think the world should be free of fashion police, I also think people should want to look halfway decent when they’re out in public. There’s a nice restaurant that we like to go to to celebrate birthdays, etc. and last time we were there I noticed about 99% of the patrons were wearing jeans and sweatshirts and I was thinking, “Jesus Christ Vancouver, would it kill you to put on a pair of slacks and a shirt with buttons now and then?”

Thongs – the underwear. Flossing my ass all day is not my idea of a good time.

Strapless – The idea of stepping out of the house with a top on that has no straps terrifies me. I think this goes back to a story my Mom told me about a middle school graduation that I did not attend but some poor girl wore a strapless long dress – remember those ones that were like a tubetop with a skirt attached? And she stepped on the dress and pulled her dress down in front of everyone. How do those strapless things stay up? It just seems like an accident waiting to happen.

Vests – I have one vest that was a gift from my mother-in-law that I wear sometimes but in general I don’t get the idea. If I want to be warm, I want my arms covered. If I don’t want to be warm, I’ll wear a tanktop. I was once considering developing an innocent crush on this guy and then I saw him wearing a sweater vest. I took my innocent crushing elsewhere.

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