You're Doing It Wrong

This is the last note before vacation. I’ll post from the road if it works out.

I’ve been trying to do about 10 things at once for the last few days. I still haven’t packed but I’ve moved in the general direction of packing. I can throw it all together tomorrow in no time, I’m sure. It’s all the last minute odds and ends like making sure the plants are watered and the coffee maker is unplugged that will drive us mad.

I bought a jug of cheap wine last week for making mulled wine. It sounded like a good idea and I didn’t make a huge amount but it had a terrible effect on me. I woke up at midnight and couldn’t get back to sleep, my stomach felt a teensy bit unhappy (I drank a half bottle of Reeds extra-ginger ale which worked wonders), I woke with a headache and it rotted my teeth somehow. For at least three days I felt like screaming when I brushed my teeth. I’ve been rinsing with the turbo-flouride stuff I bought from the dentist a couple of years ago when I was having sensitive teeth issues. Meanwhile, I lost my interest in mulled wine (at least my home made version) which is really quite a shame since I have this jug of wine sitting on the counter. Also the jug wine is screw cap and it took me about 15 minutes to get that f*#&ing thing off. I’m not sure the screw cap is the answer.

In other news we got our announcement from Comcast that our cable bill is going up, like $100 a year. We’re getting the everything package which was already expensive and now we’re thinking of going back to a smaller package with HBO and then subscribing to netflix instead. I like the option of having everything but Bob is right, I hardly make use of it and the constant juggling of tapes is getting old. I suppose we’re ready for TiVo, but I have other things I want to spend my money on first (new desk, new computer). I think cable is the biggest bunch of crooks, next to the utilities and insurance companies. No shortage of crooks out there. Comcast has a feature where they send you messages and they used to hardly ever send messages. They must have send around a memo or have a new intern or something but we get a message at least once a day, sometimes more. And it’s always for something extra to pay for as if $100 a month isn’t enough.

Yes, I saw the Return of the King today. They had some major geek fans in the paper this morning (as opposed to me as a just short of major geek fan {I didn’t wear a costume or line up at 5 am}) and they were saying after they’ve seen it, then it’s over. And I’m like: hell, then you can start seeing it again. I totally loved it. I have a few issues. (1) Legolas only had about 15 minutes of screentime in a 3 hr. plus movie. What is wrong with that picture? and (2) I think it should have ended a few scenes earlier. Small beefs, I assure you. I will see it again and again.

Meanwhile, there is something at the office, I hate to say I’m allergic, but that I react to. I’m not sure what it is, and it doesn’t always set me off. I think it’s something the cleaning people use and somehow I get it on my face and then for hours my nose runs and my eyes burn and water and it’s pretty miserable. But I can’t figure out the pattern. Today it’s driving me nuts but the cleaning people haven’t been in for almost 2 weeks. I’ve been home for several hours and still, my eyes are burning and I blow my nose about every 5 minutes.

Can I tell you how many times I’ve looked all around the house for my glasses and gone back to my desk and sat on them. How do they get on my chair in the first place?

String Cheese Incident

Last night Bob took me to see Cheese. He’s been down with the killer flu since Thanksgiving and he’s dealing with finals which aren’t finished yet. Yesterday was one of the first decent days he’s had and it was nice to hang out with my sweetheart and see him like a (relatively) normal person again.

I’d been sort-of dreading the show all day because my sleeping has been hit or miss and I didn’t feel up for the scene with all the marginally-bathed and comb-and-brush challenged people, who I’m sure are very nice. I don’t want to be prejudiced against people who are unkempt, I just need to psych up to hang out in a room filled with them. But hey, one refreshing adult beverage and by the time I hit the parking lot of the Convention Center I was prepared to groove with the hoopers.

We plowed through the crowd, busy walking their dogs in the underground parking garage before the show. One girl was walking around displaying some photos of the band at Red Rocks, apparently for sale. All the people commented on how nice the pictures were. She had an earring in her cheek.

Inside, the party was on. Tons of people running around with bare feet, saw some Hobbit feet, only without the benefit of makeup. Bob said, “Look at all these baseball cap guys. I think I’ve traded with them.” I noticed large groups of young girls in camisoles and batik skirts, all of them a half a head shorter than me. I’m not that tall. I pointed this out to Bob and he said, “Cheese is big with the gnome crowd.”

We were in the beer garden when the band started so we chugged up and zoomed in, barely avoiding being brained by the rambunctious Cheese dancers who could actually be dangerous with their jumping and whirling arms. We passed the “I love forest fairies” booth (?) and stepped right up to the rail, left side, just behind Kyle with a perfect view of Kang. If I sound like pro, it’s only because of the company I keep. When it comes to Cheese, I’m basically just along for the ride. And if there was ever a guy in need of a Queer Eye makeover, it’s Kyle, geez, all the guys had that haircut when I was in the third grade.

I liked the first set a lot. It was more rockin’ dance stuff. I can’t remember any of their songs except “Little Hands” and “Rollover” and I don’t think they played either of those. At one point I asked Bob: “Is this a Jethro Tull song?” and he didn’t even get mad, he just said, “I don’t think so.” They’d start some noodling and then Bob would lean over and say “Brown Table” or “Beautiful Dirt.” The songs all had names of things you would find camping. The second set went by a lot slower. They played lots of endless noodly farmer-in-the-dell crap. Bob was blissed out in the perfect hippie heaven and I leaned over and said, “These songs are boring.” But it was late and I was tired and my buzz was long gone.

I sound like I’m whining but I truly had fun and am even entertaining the thought of taking another run at High Sierra. Really.

I have been sitting on a hardback of Donna Tartt’s The Little Friend since last Christmas. There were so many books sitting on the pile before it and I wanted to wait until I had time to really get absorbed in it. I read the first half at Thanksgiving and finished it this weekend. How totally not worth the wait. It was fantastic writing. I loved the characters and I was right there in Mississippi but I like a little more resolution with my 556 pages. Not sure what I’ll read next.

I’m working on my holiday newsletter which means I go through my list of movies seen and books read and my books have plunged to an all time low. I was thinking of trying to read a bunch of books to bring up the numbers but I have less than a month, tons to do, and who’s grading me anyway? Meanwhile, the NYT’s special book section is sitting by my bed and I will no doubt add twice as many new books to the list.

Bob has the killer flu right now — the one with the endless horking cough. He’s in bad shape. He’s been sleeping downstairs for almost a week. We’re like roommates. I had something like this at the end of the summer and I’m desperate to avoid it.

When Bob and I go to Orleans we often leave at night and stay in Roseburg (roughly halfway). We recently tried a different place in Sutherlin that was a little bit cheaper. On the Thanksgiving trip we ran into the night clerk jerk. Apparently there was no mall with a security guard job so he had to make due tyrannizing the poor tired folks coming off the road at night. First he berated me for pushing on the inner door, not realizing he had to buzz me in and was taking his sweet time. Then he scolded us for not filling in our phone number on the form where he highlighted the place for our name and signature but not the phone number. But he did it all good natured like he was kidding around instead of being an asshole. Then he gave us a room practically in the lobby and our next door neighbor had their TV on extra loud at midnight. Why stop at a motel if you aren’t going to go to sleep? Not that the TV was the jerk’s fault but also I left my bottled water on the counter. How hard would it have been to (berate me) bring that to my attention or even bring it to our room, only about 20 feet from his desk. We’ll rather pay $8 more and go back to Roseburg.

I spent this afternoon catching up on various reading piles and found an article in the NY Times about something that I’ve long suspected to be true. That big companies intentionally make small billing errors that people who have better things to do then navigate 10 layer phone trees and sit on hold for a half hour are willing to overlook or don’t even notice. At the office we have a line of credit with our bank that has an annual fee. Every year they charge the fee to the line of credit the first day of the billing cycle and then bill us for the fee plus the interest. It’s less than a dollar but I don’t think the fee should be considered a credit advance. When I complained the bank reversed the interest and told me I could call every year and they’d take care of it. Why not just fix their computer system so it doesn’t bill it that way?

David Pogue says, “Now, I’m not much on conspiracy theories. But in the weekly Circuits e-mail newsletter (nytimes.com/circuits) I floated a theory that [these billing errors] might be part of a pattern of passive-aggressive robbery perpetrated on the premise that a certain percentage of customers won’t notice, or won’t bother to protest.” He said he got over 1,200 responses in 4 days.

Final topic, I was home all day today, avoiding the dismal weather and cranking away on my writing projects. We got 4 marketing calls and one kid at the door trying to sell the Columbian.

Yes, I’m still here. Happy Forking Thanksgiving. I ate tons of carbs and only about 3 bites of turkey. I’m leading the backlash. Our weekend was fantastic, no drama (well, Grandma was a butt but we won’t get into that) and lots of fun people and good food. I made gumbo and cornbread for Wednesday night dinner. I think this was my best batch yet. Thursday I helped a little and for dinner we went to BG and Curt’s new house. It’s not done yet but it was done enough for a big group to enjoy dinner. There was way too much food, especially pies. Mom made a pumpkin cheesecake but had a water bath disaster so when word got out, everyone else baked back up stuff. Then Erin rescued the cheesecake by flipping it over, scraping off the crust and reapplying fresh crust in the form of a topping. Turned out excellent!

I’m suffering unreasonable panic about my holiday shopping. I’m already done with most of it since we brought the family gifts to Orleans this weekend. Bob and I aren’t exchanging gifts since we’re going on a trip and want to spend our money there. But I have a few odds and ends to pick up and I want to get it over with NOW. My aim is to not leave the house on the weekends in December, or as much as realistic.

We went to Jax last night and for dessert tried the pomegranate mission fig gelato. Sounds crazy but it was delicious. I’m still thinking about it.

Last night we went to probably the best party ever. It was Eva’s 40th birthday and she and Rob threw a bash at this club in Gresham. Well, when I say a club, not like a night club more like a private club. And not like a country club — it was this giant room like a log cabin with a huge dance floor and lots of tables and places to sit. They had awesome food and a great band — they played stuff like “Brown Eyed Girl” and “Louie Louie” and EVERYBODY danced. It was wild. Dancing fools. We did the hokey-pokey. Crazy. Open bar — I guess I should mention that. We had the best time. Rob and Eva have the best parties.

Meanwhile, tomorrow is my last writing class and although I had a very productive weekend, I’m not going to have my project ready to turn in tomorrow. I made a calendar with page goals to get me finished by next month before Xmas. Been working on xmas shopping and menu stuff. Tons of stuff going on.

I have to resist the urge to complain about how hard it is to get here and type a few things on a regular basis. It takes longer than you might think.

Last week we went to see Elf at the 99th Street Cinema. This theater has a hideously designed traffic pattern, obviously created by a person who wants to punish people in cars. The road that feeds out to the highway is shared with a Walmart plus gas station. Just getting into the place was nuts and there was a gigantic line with a ratio of three children per adult (except us) so I was thinking it was going to be a nightmare. Luckily I was wrong, other than the minor distraction of glowing, phallic lollipops that the two girls next to me were eating, the kids around us were perfect angels and the show was super sweet and funny. My expectations were only medium so it was a nice surprise. Will Farrell is fantastic. I recommend it.

Stormy weekend. We have a tree out front which I have identified as an ornamental cherry and it went from 60 to zero in terms of its leaves over the course of the day. Actually, it seems like most of the neighborhood trees lost all their leaves during that period.

On Sunday we went to see Master & Commander: Far Side of the World. I haven’t read even one of the Patrick O’Brian books and I’d like to someday, but the reading pile is out of control and I don’t see it making in anytime soon. The movie is great, I’m ambivalent on Russell Crowe, don’t love him or hate him, and I loved him in this show and it’s super detailed and I am happy I don’t ever have to be a sailor in the early 1800’s because it looks awful.