Insert Sparkling Clam Joke Here

Posted on November 24, 2006 by Pamela

I have an epic post for this weekend but I didn’t get to it yet. I spent all day working on my final project for Illustrator. I’m slow and not especially artistic and having a hard time.

Meanwhile, the non-traditional Thanksgiving dinner went fantastic.

I ran into trouble with the pasta maker because the person who designed it had a limited idea of how thick a kitchen counter might be, as if we had kitchen counters/tables/whatever made out of a sheet of plywood. I couldn’t clamp it down. For the first rounds of flattening it didn’t matter but as I got to the last couple of levels I needed more muscle and I couldn’t hold the pasta maker down, crank the handle and manage the pasta at the same time so it got all gummed up which lead to me opening the dinner wine a couple hours early. I ended up finishing it with a rolling pin which required a lot of brute strength, it’s not like rolling cookie dough. The strands were all different shapes and some with rough edges but turned out fine when it was cooked. It was excellent pasta but I’m not sure worth that much extra work.

Now that I’ve done it once I think I can make it easier next time. I’m going to try at least once more before I give up on homemade pasta.

The linguine turned out excellent. I sauteed Prosciutto with leeks and garlic and then added some cheapo white wine and chucked my very thoroughly scrubbed clams in there. I had clam paranoia so they were sparkling by the time I got through with them. The recipe called for cherry tomatoes which are out of season and I don’t like to cook with them anyway. I used a half a jar of sun-dried which was a good call. The cooked noodles get added last and after letting it all mingle together for a few minutes, it gets heaped on warmed plates and sprinkled with parsley and toasted pine nuts. Excellent.

The bread didn’t rise into a pretty dome but tasted great and the roasted potato and spinach salad had a nice zing from the dressing, a fairly generic vinaigrette with tons of shallots. I ate leftover salad for lunch today.

The brulee turned out creamy delicious but the torch was a little scary. It doesn’t come with many pictures but tons of directions with millions of danger disclaimers so I was afraid I’d blow up myself and/or the house. Filling it with the butane is also scary and I had some dripping down my arm which I then washed for 20 minutes so as not to accidentally ignite it.

The directions weren’t clear on how much sugar to put on so I used a lot and the torch is like a extra-hot hair dryer and blew the sugar around which I didn’t expect. Also the sugar didn’t slowly burble, it melted and pooled into a brown mass. At that point I figured it was done. It tasted fantastic.

Priscila brought crab and shrimp and crudités so we did end up with way too much food. But we’ve got all weekend to eat it.

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For Those About To Feast

Posted on November 23, 2006 by Pamela

I have about a half hour before I need to hit the kitchen in order to have dinner ready by 5pm. I made the Crème Brûlèe yesterday. I bought the culinary torch which I can’t wait to use and 6 ramekins. Note to Kitchen Kaboodle: could you just pony up the extra 3½¢ per item it would cost to get stickers that peel off easily rather than the crapshit you use so I have to spend a half hour scraping and goo-goning to get my new ramekins clean?

My mother-in-law was kind enough to clip an article for me from one of her magazines that tells a common version of the first thanksgiving story including happy pilgrims and Indians whooping it up with lots of sharing, caring, giving and general good cheer.

In return, I’ve clipped for her a few articles that tell a less common version of the story which is a little darker and shows a side of the pilgrims that is not so generous.

From Deconstructing the Myths of The First Thanksgiving

Myth: The First Thanksgiving occurred in 1621.

Fact: No one knows when the “first” thanksgiving occurred. People have been giving thanks for as long as people have existed. Indigenous nations all over the world have celebrations of the harvest that come from very old traditions; for Native peoples, thanksgiving comes not once a year, but every day, for all the gifts of life. To refer to the harvest feast of 1621 as The First Thanksgiving disappears Indian peoples in the eyes of non-Native children.

Quoted from: The Hidden History of Massachusetts

According to a single-paragraph account in the writings of one Pilgrim, a harvest feast did take place in Plymouth in 1621, probably in mid-October, but the Indians who attended were not even invited. Though it later became known as "Thanksgiving," the Pilgrims never called it that. And amidst the imagery of a picnic of interracial harmony is some of the most terrifying bloodshed in New World history.

From The Thanksgiving Myth

Jump 129 years to 1621, year of the supposed "first Thanksgiving." There is not much documentation of that event, but surviving Indians do not trust the myth. Natives were already dying like flies thanks to European-borne diseases. The Pequot tribe reportedly numbered 8,000 when the Pilgrims arrived, but disease had reduced their population to 1,500 by 1637, when the first, officially proclaimed, all-Pilgrim "Thanksgiving" took place. At that feast, the whites of New England celebrated their massacre of the Pequots. "This day forth shall be a day of celebration and thanksgiving for subduing the Pequots," read Massachusetts Bay Governor John Winthrop's proclamation. Few Pequots survived.

To end on a lighter note from Addams Family Values:

[As an Indian, ad-libbing during a Thanksgiving play]
Wednesday: Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf, and eat hot h'ors d'ourves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller. And for all of these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.

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A Simple Plan

Posted on November 22, 2006 by Pamela

I do not do crowds if I don’t have to. I don’t wait in long lines. I’d skip my own funeral if it took more than 5 minutes to find a parking place.

I took today off partly to get started on my final project for my Illustrator class, partly to do some day-before cooking projects and partly to avoid the evening commute. Between the weather and the holiday traffic, it will no doubt be a long, slow haul.

Bob had to work late last night so I made plans for some dinner and drinks with a friend downtown and then I wanted to stop at the New Seasons on Interstate on my way home. All the upscale-natural type food stores near our house have moved across town or closed so as part of my holiday weekend planning strategy, I thought this stop would make my life easier. HA HA

I won’t bore you with the details but I’ve never been there before and almost never drive to that part of town so I got completely lost and it was dark and raining and my windows all foggy so pretty much optimal driving conditions. When I finally found it there was a line to get into the parking lot.

I optimistically inched along and then joined the dozen SUVs that circled the world’s smallest parking lot, in the rain, dodging customers, can’t see for crap. Who builds a market with 20 parking spaces?

The earlier D&D at least kept me sedated so I exited the micro-park as soon as I possibly could, who knows how long and how violent it would get for parking and the area is not set up for street parking. Then got lost finding my way back home again. That aspect of the plan failed on all levels.

This morning I got going early and did the shopping and finally got a much needed haircut. Now I’m not in the mood for Illustrator or cooking and I’m tempted to say, aw screw it and panic about it later.

I read over my recipes and then decide.

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The Plogical Song

Posted on November 21, 2006 by Pamela

We have something in our house that my husband calls plogic. It means Pam’s logic. Or put another way, doing things my way. When my husband is feeling less than thrilled with the plogic he grumbles, “It’s Pam’s world, we just live in it.”

It’s not just that I’m bossy or control freaky. I am pathologically logical (are you allowed to put those two words together?) and am often frustrated/mystified/agog that the world does not share my vision of the best way of doing things.

I’m not this way about everything. For example, I have no input on things having to do with sports. But generally I think the best way to do things is the most efficient — I don’t like to waste my or anyone else’s time, money, or energy — so really exercising plogic is for the good of mankind.

The other day I was at the burrito cart (Fuego at 2nd and Yamhill for you locals, cheap burrito-y goodness) and an Asian woman came up and started to fill out the little sheet you use for your order. The guy always asks you wheat or flour so he can warm your tortilla while he finishes the order in front of you. When he asked her, she shook her head and said in broken English, that she didn’t understand.

Before I could even think about it I jumped right in telling the guy how to make her burrito because I had a good idea how she would probably like it, not too spicy or with too much sour cream. And then I stopped myself because, omigod, I was being That Pushy Woman Who Bosses Around Random Strangers.

In my defense, have you ever been in a situation where you weren’t clear on the customs and ways and you kind-of wished someone else would just take charge for a minute? When I was a teenager my family went to France and it was time to eat. The waiter came over and said a bunch of stuff in French, a language we unfortunately do not speak. My Dad nodded and held up 4 fingers. The waiter knew exactly what to do. He brought us 4 drinks and 4 sandwiches which we ate with great joy. “Hey, look at us, ordering food in France.”

Back in Portland, I pointed at my burrito and she ordered flour. English was not her native language, but she had a pretty good handle on it. The problem was she couldn’t hear because of the traffic.

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Things to Do Before You’re 40

Posted on November 20, 2006 by Pamela

This morning I read a post that referred to a magazine list of things to do before you’re 40.

It’s too late for me but I was curious to see if I could find the list to see what I missed because there is nothing like assigning importance to random events and circumstances and giving them an arbitrary deadline.

I plugged the phrase into a search engine and turns out there are books and all kinds of people talking about these lists.

If you’re under 40 and have a list, I’d say get on it and go for it because once I hit 40 I was too lazy to do anything. I have to be in bed by 9pm or I’m tired for a week. A hangover lasts at least three days. A weird muscle pull can annoy me for months. If I eat too much or stuff that’s too fatty or preservative laden, I spend the night in roiling pain. It takes us a week to get organized enough to do dinner and a movie.

At this point I’m enjoying making a list of things I’m never going to do and am thrilled to avoid. I’m never going to climb a mountain, sail around on a frigate like Master and Commander, wait in line all night for anything, do space travel, observe a gnarly surgical procedure, gamble away my life savings, be on reality TV, win an Olympic medal, have a threesome (possibly negotiable) or study grizzly bears in their natural habitat. Whew. So liberating.

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Indian Dance

Posted on November 20, 2006 by Pamela

American Indian Heritage Month

When I enrolled at Clark College I filled out some form that asked my ethnicity and I put American Indian. Now I’m on the diversity mailing list and have gotten more mail than a person taking a single class for one quarter could possibly need.

I got a letter inviting me to try out for head dancer at the Clark College Pow Wow and when I told Bob, he said: "Cool. Are you going to do it?"

And I gave him a funny look because (a) I’ve never been a pow wow dancer, (b) pow wow isn’t part of my tradition, and (c) I’m not even a dancer in my own tribe’s tradition. Still, it was nice to be asked.

We went for Indian tacos before the pow wow and I was a little worried because there were only about 20 people and I thought, Oh no. Low turnout. My fears were unwarranted. The gym was more than half full. And those people are sad they missed out because the Indian tacos were awesome. I’ll omit any discussion about the fry bread controversy since it’s so yummy but if you’re interested start here. Also there was a tiny riot when late in the night the frybread ran out.

I love pow wows. My first favorite part is grand entry. It starts with Indian veterans and there’s always at least couple ancient elders, usually tiny, who stand so tall and so proud and are so completely confident and in charge. There is no way to watch without feeling a tug in your heart.

Last night was no exception. They followed grand entry with an hour of talking into microphones that sounded like the grownups on Charlie Brown. Everyone got to say something. Too bad most of it was unintelligible. This situation was made worse by all the dancers wearing bells on their shoes or jingle dresses and jumping around. I understood little except that this is part of a Title VII program — some sort of federal education funding and Indians.

They talked about Indian Heritage Month and read some sort of proclamation from President Bush. Possibly this. I like the part that goes, " … we honor the generations of American Indians and Alaska Natives who have added to the character of our Nation." I sat in the bleachers and said, "added? Are you kidding me, added?" The person reading the proclamation said he was going to skip the part about money and I said, "Yeah, how about settling Cobell?” the Indian trust case that doesn’t seem to have a chance of being settled. My dear husband encouraged me to relax and perhaps keep it down a bit

The MC was fantastic, as they usually are. He said, "We used to get just a day. Now, we get a whole month."

My second favorite part was the kid in the bleachers who danced during the opening songs, with a light saber.

My third favorite part was the tiny tots. Seven and under kids dancing is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. There was a little girl who looked like the Indian version of Little Miss Sunshine. I had my fingers crossed for a Super Freak moment.

Probably the highlight of the night was the drumline group of non-Indian sixth to eighth graders who set up their drums and joined the pow wow drum for a song. The first round didn’t completely work but the second round they were on fire. But no dancers. The MC asked them to play again and asked the dancers to get out there. Some of them balked but he would have none of it. "Make something up," he said. At least half of them got out there and went for it. It was really, really cool.

The next dance was Intertribal and the MC called the drumline kids out and asked them to dance. A nice moment and when you think about it, this is what heritage month should be all about.

I know a lot of people worked hard to make last night happen so huge applause from me. Super fun time.

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Tripendicular

Posted on November 19, 2006 by Pamela

Interstate 5 and Mt. HoodThis morning we woke up early and drove across town to the Bean Store. I’m sure Mr. Red Mill would be thrilled to know that he went to all the trouble of building a giant red building to sell his products and we still refer to it as the Bean Store. They serve a kick ass breakfast which is a huge motivator. I bought tons of legumes and breakfast grains and a couple of bags of flour. I’m trying a new recipe for Thanksgiving. I’ve got the test loaf going now.

I decided that not having a camera is making me crazy so I’m going to do something I never do and pull money out of savings and not do very much homework and march into a camera store downtown on Monday and buy something. i hope I’m not sitting here in 6 months and linking to this post and talking about what an idiot I am. I keep seeing great things that should have their pictures taken. Like Bob’s side order of pancakes this morning. He got three different kinds and each one came on its own different colored plate. Or the vacuum cleaner the construction crew was using at the office had giant block letters on it that said: LOUD.

Don’t you think that O.K. Go song “Here it goes again” sounds like a lost song from the Valley Girl soundtrack? (That’s a huge good thing, by the way)

My beeper just went off and it’s time to run out to the Clark College Pow Wow. Busy day.

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The Test Kitchen

Posted on November 17, 2006 by Pamela

More Original Art (ha ha)This week feels like it’s gone on forever. I’m beat.

Wednesday’s NYT Dining In had my favorite food porn type of article: perfect pie crust. You’d think after reading and clipping every article of this kind I’ve ever seen I’d be the reigning gold medalist in both the single and double pie crust events. But no, I haven’t even been invited to try out for the team.

Pie lady made 5 pie crusts with various approaches to the fat part: 1 all butter, 1 all shortening and 3 with different amounts of both.

She said butter won hands down. Dang, I don’t like butter crust. (I’m appalled, too but I like what I like.) I use the all shortening method which she says is popular because it’s easier to handle. If that’s easiest I guess I’d better to stick to what I’m doing.

Don’t you think being a test cook would be a weird job?

Every time I read an article and they roasted 18 turkeys, or made 12 kinds of green bean salad or once it was bread pudding and I swear the article said they made 40 different kinds to find the perfect recipe, all I can think about is the stuff that didn’t work. Do they give it to homeless shelters? Do they take it home to their families? Who had to taste and report on 40 different kinds of bread pudding? Do they throw lots away? Are they so sick of bread pudding by the end that they have the perfect recipe for a food they never want to see again in their lives?

I hate wasting food and I remember how awful I felt tossing a huge pan of carrot cake that I’d royally screwed up. I think I forgot half the flour and it was a soupy mess that nothing could save. It made a hollow whump! when it hit the bottom of the garbage can. I didn’t make it again.

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Pamily Values

Posted on November 16, 2006 by Pamela

Last night after I finished my delicious dinner of leftover soup washed down with two glasses of my favorite $6.99 Trader Joes Tempranillo the phone rang and you know the best calls always come around dinner time.

It sounded like a recording except the recording asked me questions so I’m not sure if it was a robot blend or the lady was just so filled with family values that she spoke without inflection.

She identified herself as being from the Dove Foundation which I had never heard of before. Then she started with something about families, kids, and concerned parents and grandparents. I almost cut her off right there because I have no children and was anxious to be excused from the call. But I let her go on because she was talking about how don’t I think that measures for monitoring violence and adult content in entertainment aren’t doing enough? (Note: I’m totally paraphrasing here, especially in favor of my side of the story.)

No, I said.

She went on into a longer speech making statements like, “We’re not about censorship,” and “Sure parents can be doing something in the home but that’s not enough,” and “We all know Hollywood won’t make movies with our family values, don’t you think we should do something about that?”

I behaved poorly because I laughed and said, You’re crazy.

She told me her message was intended for concerned parents and grandparents and thanked me for my input.

I wish I’d had my act more together and could have stated my opinion more intelligently. If people want to get together and promote family entertainment, I have no problem with that. I have a big problem with someone calling my home and telling what to think and feel about a particular subject while making untrue statements and projecting a particular set of values on me. I’d love to write 10 more screens on this except, it’s of limited interest and my writing time for today has long expired.

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Five Things I Like to Cook (including baking)

Posted on November 15, 2006 by Pamela

1. Apple Pie.

Home baked apple pie is one of the best foods known to man. My struggles to make pie crust have been well documented here. However, I do it anyway because no matter how badly it’s patched together it always tastes and smells fantastic. I like mine still warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I probably make at least 10 apple pies a year and it’s one of my favorite things to bring to a function. No one ever says, “Bummer. Apple pie.”

I use the Betty Crocker recipe from my Mom’s cookbook and use unhealthy shortening in my crust. One of my tips is to use a mix of apples but at least half should be of a tart variety.

Yesterday on the radio a guy was talking about how he makes pies from scratch and he always wants to try other peoples pies to see how they measure up and so on. Another guy asked him what he means by scratch and he says he gets the pastry shell at the grocery store and then cuts and spices the fruit himself. This does not fit my definition of baking from scratch.

[Aside: while looking for pie stories I found I’ve already written about the futility of the Great Pumpkin. I have zero recollection of this. ]

2. Tamales.

I learned how to make these fairly recently. We have a friend from Mexico and I was hoping she would teach me but it never worked out and I had to take matters into my own hands. I read as many recipes as I could find in books and online and then went for it and it turned out to be labor intensive, but easy.

Now I’ve made them a bunch of times and can whip out a big batch without breaking a sweat. The corn masa bag has a recipe, too. I use real lard for the tamale and fill them with a mixture of cooked chicken, cheese, chiles and lots of spices.

They’re super delicious with green salsa and perhaps a dab of sour cream. Great to freeze and serve later and a great gift. People love tamales.

3. Gumbo.

I use the Cooks Illustrated recipe and I would give you the date of the issue if I had it handy. It’s pretty labor intensive so I have to want to spend most of the day in the kitchen. It has shrimp and sausage and all kinds of seasonings and is magically delicious. Unfortunately, this is one of the foods I ate leading up to the digestive system meltdown I had in April so now I’m afraid of it.

4. Bob’s White Bean Chili and other Taco-ey Things.

Bob’s white bean chili is a recipe I got from the Oregonian and is basically chili using chicken and white beans. But it’s easy to make, great for leftovers and yummy every time. We do a lot of chili or taco type variations. We use regular tortillas or Safeway sells tortilla crowns which are taco salad bowls made out of corn. I use Penzeys Taco Seasoning, I just bought a ginormous bag, and ground turkey. The usual toppings: grated cheese, lettuce, onions, salsa, sour cream. If we’re getting crazy we open a can of olives. My favorite food group.

5. Chocolate Chip Cookies

I’ve turned into a cookie snob and only like home baked cookies. A chocolate chip cookie is my favorite sweet. I make a batch every couple of weeks and put them in ziplock bags and freeze them and keep them at the office for an afternoon treat. I use the Toll House recipe or the Cooks Illustrated and use lots of nuts, pecans or walnuts, which I toast before I chop. One of my favorite foods.

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