We get these legal books where they want you to buy a subscription and every year they send you an “update” that’s about 15 pages stapled together and costs $75. They are having a hard time making money since you can get all this stuff online for free. They also republish the entire book every few years and charged you $450 for a new one. I can’t find the post but last time we had to buy this book they forgot to publish part of it so they sent me some pages and told me to glue them in.
I cancelled the subscription for this one book and we received a notice that the 2015 update was available for $82.75 including shipping. I sneered but colleague told me to get it.
The notice said I could go online to get the book. First I had create an online profile. And pick some security questions. One of the questions was about partners at our firm and I gave the name of one of the Portland Timbers. I also said my grandmother’s name is Futty. Then I had to log in again using my new profile. Then when I tried to find where to order my book it told me that I took too long and had to log in again.
I said a lot of bad words during this entire process.
Then I logged back in and I could find my subscription but not how to actually get it. If I clicked on one thing a new window would pop open to say that that was my subscription. If I clicked on the other thing a new window would open and tell me what a subscription was.
I finally gave up and tried to call. The office was not open but please listen to the NINE (9) items on our menu. I made it through three.
This company does something called “risk assessment” and told me they produce accurate law books.
I DON’T BELIEVE YOU. YOU CAN’T EVEN MAKE A DECENT WEBSITE.
I’m still swearing this entire time. So then I decided to take my form and fax it to them — it said I could. And since it’s 2015 and NO ONE uses fax machines anymore except old people who don’t know any better, and risk assessment geniuses, I couldn’t remember how our fax machine worked so I had to input the phone number a couple of times because my session kept timing out.
Colleague grew tired of my exclamations to terrible people who fornicate with their mothers and shouted from behind the protection of his desk: “No update is worth this!” but I was DETERMINED to get him his damn $82.75 book (actually stapled together pages).
The fax went through. I’m sure we’ll never get our dumb stapled pages. But I bet we’ll get the bill.
I also gave them feedback on their website and the image above comes from their reply, letting me know my message was received.
Going to be offline for at least a week. Stay cool!