Witless White

First visit to Southpark in almost 2 months. Our server said, “Can I bring you a glass of rioja?” They remember us.

I did an office supply order this morning at work. One of the things I wanted to buy was a packet of multi-colored paper.
You can’t imagine the time and trouble paper companies have gone to in naming their colored paper. There was one company that had plain old names like blue and pink. But the rest of them have huge long lists of crazy names: Popper-Mint Green, Banana Blast, Re-entry Red, Stardust White, Sea Blue. It goes on and on.
I like to try to imagine the process of coming up with these names. Someone at a desk with the colors spread out, making lists of ideas. Then having to do a presentation, maybe even a Power Point, in front of a bunch of management people who would be scratching their heads.
“Re-entry Red? Will the customer be able to visualize that?”
Then a group brainstorming session: Rodeo Red, Rock and Roll Red, Righteous Red, Really Red.
Then the person has to go back to his desk and re-work the color names. And now he has to refer to marketing reports and back issues of “Colored Paper Naming Weekly” to make sure their color names are properly targeted for their demographic. Maybe they’ll even talk to a consultant or do some Twitter crowd-sourcing.
Then there’s an extended conflict about Oasis Orange v. Orbit Orange and one of the managers goes home fuming with outrage because Oasis is so much better than Orbit, but management is always playing favorites and Orbit won.
They finally make a decision and release their paper into the world.
And now I’m sitting here looking at a catalog mocking their dumb color names and making my decision based on the number of sheets per packet/price.

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3 Responses to Witless White

  1. Kira says:

    Throw in an alien and submit this as flash fiction! For serious. 🙂

  2. Latisha says:

    I heard Shelby Whitworth got fired for “lack of creativity” when she suggested “Raspberry Red”.

  3. Marvin says:

    Oooh, what a cool sculpture!

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