Smells Like

Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam

I finally got my World Cup Soccer Guy magazine. I went to about 7 different places before I found it. Around here you can find 100 golf, yachting, knitting and bridal magazines and NOT Vanity Fair with soccer guys in their underwear.

What a world.

It was worth it. Michael Ballack. Now that’s a man.

I never buy magazines like Vanity Fair anymore. A friend of mine was looking through the magazine and asked: What is this magazine about?

I said: buying stuff?

Do you have any idea how many kinds of luxury watches there are? Who is (are?) buying all these watches? Where do you even get them?

I thought watches were like newspapers and travel agents: only really old people use them these days.

Today I went to the mall.

Every time I go to the mall I remember why I never go to the mall.

I strolled by Old Navy which seemed to have a higher level of hysteria than normal. There was some sort of special on flip-flops. I think it was 5 pairs for $5. They had a nylon rope and a guy keeping people in line. I don’t know why anyone would want even one pair of flip-flops.

I was looking for some cute normal pants or a summer dress. I went into one department store. Shouldn’t the clothes be organized? In one area there would be petites, work clothes, clearance, clothes for old ladies going on a cruise, “women” (which confused me, aren’t we all women?) workout clothes, bathing suits and party dresses. Then in another area there would be more cruise clothes, work clothes, clearance dresses and pajamas. Shouldn’t they be grouped together in handy categories? I could never tell where I’d already been.

I came home exhausted. Also, our local mall smells like ass. Cinnabon flavored ass.

I was there for three hours and came home with a box of See’s Candy and three pairs of panties. Not my idea of a productive Saturday.

This entry was posted in doing it wrong. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Smells Like

  1. AEJ says:

    I read five years ago that anyone wearing a watch is considered a dinosaur. We’re supposed to tell time based on what our cell phones say. So these expensive time-pieces are for rich dinosaurs.

    “Women” in clothing stores means “fat females”. It’s a nicer way to put it.

    They should have a “Dinosaur” section, for old, rich people who wear watches.

  2. Hannah says:

    I bought my copy of the soccer boy Vanity Fair issue at my local grocery store and could feel my face turning red at checkout. I felt like I was buying porn. Not that there’s anything wrong with buying porn, of course. I’m just not used to it. We are huge Michael Ballack fans here, so we were crushed to learn he just got injured and can’t play in the World Cup. I hope the doctors are wrong and that he heals in time to play.

Comments are closed.