A Metaphor For Our Entire Existence

Yesterday I ran some errands including going to Home Despot to get some replacement lights for our front of the house motion detector which has been off forever. When Dad and Erin were here they looked at it and Dad bought some replacement bulbs but they didn’t fit so I ran in to HD with the old bulb to see if I could find the right size.

In the parking lot a giant seagull stood on the hood of a white pickup truck and pecked at its reflection in the windshield. It was really creepy. For a second I wondered if it was the truck owner’s pet. And if seagulls are that stupid, why we don’t see them on car windshields all the time.

I found my replacement bulbs and they have self-check at HD now so I got out of there in record time. I decided to fix the bulbs the minute I got home otherwise they would sit on the counter forever. Dad showed me how to get the contraption open so that wasn’t an ordeal but the minute I touched the bulb (which I was holding in a dishtowel) prongs to the thingey, the bulb would go on and immediately become molten freaking hot so I couldn’t get it in there properly. The person who designed this thing should be flogged without mercy. I tried several things to turn the unit off and nothing worked. If you’re wondering why I didn’t just switch it off — you’ll have to ask Uncle Joey about that.

I called Dad for tips and we eventually figured the best plan was to shut off the breaker so off to the basement I went and after several switch-go back out and up the stairs and check: no-go back down and try another switch — I turned off every switch and it WAS STILL ON. Then I had to find a flashlight so I could find my way back to the dark basement and turn everything back on. Long before this point I decided this was a large, time consuming pain in the ass for one little thing which I believe is a metaphor for our entire existence.

I checked the shop to see if there was an additional box in there and there was and I turned off everything in that one, replaced my light bulbs, reassembled everything and then turned everything back on. The light has been burning ever since. I don’t know how to make it a motion detector again and frankly, I’m bored with the project. The goal was to have a light there and it’s there: all the time.

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