I often see people blog personal things or diss on people at work — things that you would think might be more private and not in a public forum. I normally edit myself more than that.

But I decided to write about what happened yesterday since it ended up being a strange and draining day.

I felt something, I’m not sure that you’d call it a lump, but something lumpy in my breast and since I hadn’t been to the dr. in a couple years I made an appointment and the dr. agreed it felt lumpy and scheduled a mammogram. I wasn’t particularly upset by all this and felt confident that it would be nothing but I am a writer with an overactive imagination so I was able to concoct some pretty grim “but what if” scenarios.

Yesterday I had the mammogram in the morning and even during all that I felt okay about everything but there was this moment when I was done and going back to the changing room and here I am with this little flimsy gown, tied in the front, and my sweater over my shoulders because it was cold in the test room and I’m holding my purse and I come face to face with another woman in a flimsy gown, tied in front, with her sweater over her shoulders and holding her purse and we exchanged a flat smile and I suddenly felt completely overwhelmed with sadness and a sense of how vulnerable we all are.

They couldn’t get a good look at the lumpiness from the mam so I had to go back for an ultrasound at lunchtime and repeat the drill–so, great, extending my unease.

In the end I got a clean bill of health and I just have to regularly monitor the lumpiness in case it changes. But by the end of the day I was exhausted. It’s amazing how something can completely knock you off balance.

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