You're Doing It Wrong

Last month the New Yorker had an article about caring for elders. In particular it talks about something called compassionate deception. For example, if an elder keeps asking about their deceased spouse, rather than keep reminding them that their spouse is gone, they would tell them they’ve just gone out and will return later.

The article is way more complex than I’m making it sound, it’s worth reading.

Part of the article discusses the idea that lying to elders is unethical and that even with the cognitive issues, it’s better to be honest with them.

I think by the end it seems clear that it depends on the elder and the person who is helping them. But in my mind I always assumed it made more sense to lie — they aren’t malicious lies. Who wants to remind someone over and over that their spouse is gone? But I can see the other side of it although given the choice I’m always going to say whatever brings the elder the most comfort.

And I’d like the same for me when it’s my turn.

Bald Hills Road, California.

If you click on this image search you will turn up other version of this same view during different times of year.

This is a photo from a few years ago but this is Auntie Pat. We drove together for Mom’s birthday party in March.

I have been resistant to audiobooks. Part of it is, I don’t have a lot of time to listen to things. I enjoy hearing my own thoughts and don’t feel like I have to fill every free second inputing content into my head.

But I have found I enjoy podcasts, especially on the bus on the way home after a long day, and also if I’m doing a long kitchen project like prepping fruit for pies.

For the trip with Auntie I bought the audiobook for All The Light We Cannot See because I didn’t think she would enjoy my gymnastics podcasts or hairband hits of the 80s CDs. (Yes, I still have CDs in my car. And cassettes. Not a typo.)

I LOVED listening to it. I’m not always a careful reader and when you’re being read to, you have to hear every word. I felt like I got a lot of that book by listening. I read it too. This past trip I bought The Goldfinch, which I’ve already read but enjoyed listening to. Now I’m listening to 11/22/63 on my phone and it’s really good. Turns out I like being read to.

There’s some Georgia O’Keeffe stuff going on there.

FINALLY! Books are here. I restocked some of my older titles and I have a stack of Sweetheart Braves. I’m always afraid to open them when they are in book form because inevitably the first thing I see is a typo. But they look so pretty.

We had a big weekend besides the frenzied writing.

Friday night we went to the Clark College Pow Wow — I think it’s officially called a Multi-Cultural Celebration. Great turnout this year. We had a fun time.

Saturday night we went the annual Day of the Dead party, hosted by one of Bob’s colleagues. Amazing food with music and dancing, including audience participation. That was fun, too.

And my team is in the playoffs. We won the knock out match last week to make it to this round. We played match 1 of 2 at home on Sunday. We won that match but we have to go to Seattle and figure out how to hang on to the lead. We are playing our bitter rivals Seattle.

I sent this to my wonderful friend and huge Seattle fan Hannah to represent us going at it over our teams:

Current word count. Still looking good!

7487 / 50000 words. 15% done!