Exciting Monday

On the way to work I got to watch a lady total her shiny Mercedes right in front of me. We were on the freeway right at the I5 – 405 split. She zoomed by me and drifted into my lane. She was probably looking at the directions on her PDA. She kept drifting … drifting … wham! Right into the back end of one of those trailer rigs that carries a bunch of cars. This one was empty. Blew a tire. Thankfully she kept control and made it to the shoulder. When I passed her she looked very unhappy.

Then a guy was puking in the weeds next to the parking lot.

I wonder what else is in store for today.

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Fabulous New Development in the World of Chips

Dealth Valley Chipotle: Have you heard of these chips? Bob had a bag sitting in the chip area when I got home and I opened them right away. Highly recommended.

Bob took a photo of a squirrel on our roof. At this time of year there are these weird nut trees around the neighborhood and the squirrels get into a frenzy chasing each other out of the trees and running back and forth dragging the nuts all over the yard. They’re so excited about it they forget that they’re afraid of humans and will run right by me when I’m watering or working in the yard: which creeps me out. Aren’t they just giant rodents with big fluffy tails?

Now I’m convinced there are squirrels living in the house and it’s only a matter of time before one runs out while I’m working on my story or watching TV and will run over and bite me. Then I’ll turn into a frothy mouthed zombie and the rest of the summer will be ruined.

Yesterday I went to the Farmer’s Market for the first time since I’ve been home and I wanted to buy everything.

I settled for one giant bag of things. Today I’m making my favorite lentil and chard soup and I just noticed that I only have orange lentils which should make it interesting. It’s between that and split peas.

We desperately need a Bobs Red Mill run.

I’m also making beets and some sort of salad I can take to the office for my lunch.

The only thing I managed to make yesterday was bread so I still need to make cookies and granola. I thoroughly enjoyed not cooking for 6 weeks but I’m glad to be at it again.

Okay, time to get to work on this story. I had it open on my computer yesterday and every time I walked by I would stick my tongue out at it. Today I need to get some work done.

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Re-Grouping

This is my first full weekend back and I’m still trying to get my act together.

There are so many things to do that I keep circling around the house thinking of all the stuff to take care of but not feeling like doing any of it.

I thought I’d get to a point where I’d have some Clarion West definitive wrap up things to say but I’m not there yet. I’m still floating around the edge of the bubble.

The photo above is my new shower. My old bathtub was totally chipped and ugly and horrible and the new one is so pretty I could sit in it for days. I’m going to pull out some bubble bath and spend some quality time in there this weekend. Maybe reading from the ginormous pile of magazines that is threatening to take over the house.

I’m afraid to count how many books I accumulated while I was in Seattle. It’s more than 10 but I think less than 20. Plus I bought that DREADFUL vampire book at the midnight book party with some of my classmates It’s not dreadful fun, it’s dreadful bad. It’s making me mad to even have it in my house but I have to read it to find out what happens. I need to get through that and trying to work my way through the magazines. The bus rides will save me.

This is a hole in the wall shared with the bathroom. I’m guessing some sort of installation gone wrong moment. No one noticed except me. We’re doing an end of the job inspection today and I’ll point that out.

Last night I left my bottle of wine uncorked on the counter and I can see those two annoying fruit flies that were in the house floating in it. Victory?

Today I’m getting back into my routine and I got my haircut and went to Safeway and now the laundry is going.

Before I left I cleaned out my favorite homemade granola and my chocolate chip cookie stash so I’m making those this afternoon. I also cleaned out all my office snacks so all week I had to chew my hand all afternoon. I just bought Wheat Thins (big) and chips and an Odwalla bar and next week I’m hoping I can do See’s run with Shay to re-stock my chocolate supply.

Dahlias from the garden.

Yesterday I ate a pastrami sandwich that should have its own national holiday. I only finished half at lunch so I ate the rest for dinner and then I woke up at 3:30a and had to drink a huge glass of water.

Time to get rolling on my chores.

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Re-Entry: The Saga Continues

I’m getting back in the swing right now.

These are the pumpkin patch out front which is on fire! Yay. The pumpkin patches in the back are looking a little peaked.

Tonight I went back to yoga for the first time and OMIGOD.

That woman tried to kill me. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that her last name is Payne.

I can’t believe my fitness level could regress so badly so quickly.

This wasn’t even the hard class.

Right now my arms and legs feel like spaghetti.

She had us do this yogi pain pose that we had to hold forever. I had tears in my eyes and was thinking about folding up my mat and leaving.

Normally, you’re supposed to know your limits but when I put my arms down she totally name checked me.

Then she went into this thing about how this is like our lives and we don’t quit when it gets hard. We keep fighting. Frack.

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Clarion West: Week 7

The house where we lived at the workshop was on fraternity row near University of Washington which means it was noisy. There was a frat house behind us that played all sorts of strange musical choices at pretty much whatever time of day suited them.

One night we were all leaving the house to go to a party and one of the frat boys was on the deck and he leaned over and started asking questions like, “So you guys are writers?”

I guess someone said something about a party and Raj said “I’ve been wanting to go over there ever since I saw that broken window.”

So, you know where you don’t want your car to die?

Science fiction camp.

We jumped in my car to go pick up the t-shirts and it was dead. I know zero about cars except where to put the gas in and how to take it in for regular service. In my defense, I know about lots of other things.

The gang was gathered out back and I said, “Does anyone know about cars?”

And the answer back was: “No.” Then someone offered keys so we could use his car. My response: I want my car to work.

Chuckles was the one (and Owen) who came out and checked that it was indeed dead. I like how people ask you: Did you leave the lights on?

Why yes, does that matter?

Actually, my lights turn off by themselves.

In the end, I dealt with it myself. After some calls, a jump and some diagnostic running around, the car was given a clean bill of health and hasn’t had any more problems. I suspect a door was left ajar or the dome-light on.

This one is for Shane.

After a couple weeks in Seattle I lost all track of the known universe. I didn’t know the news. I never knew the date. Even if I got the day — I still got confused on the month and even the year. I almost wrote 1998 or September in my notebook a couple of times.

Also my personal hygiene went completely out the window. I could never remember when I bathed last and didn’t really care. I wore the same clothes for days in a row. I wore make-up only 2 times in 6 weeks.

Also, everything in Seattle seems to cost an amount to maximize the accumulation of tons of change. $1.05; $8.26; $11.33. I either didn’t have enough change or a pocket filled with it.


When I got home, Bob and I went to the Clark County Fair to have milkshakes (and baked potatoes, and grilled corn) and see baby pigs, goats, sheep and cows. Also grown-up versions of these things.

We also went through a tent that was like walking into a used car lot. People wanted us to sign up for vinyl siding, some sort of magnetic strip that cured pain (?), loan consolidation and tapes that taught you how to be successful. We visited the Clark College booth and then signed up for a chimney sweep.

We also tried to win giant stuffed animals. Just kidding. What am I going to do with an 8 foot dragon?


But I really wanted to see Queensryche.

Bob’s review is here.

I’m out of steam so I will just say that they were awesome and that this is the first time I’ve seen them live. My favorite album is Rage for Order which I only own on cassette and I’m such a luddite I can still listen to it in my car. I need to get the .mp3 version.

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Clarion Week 6: Chuck Palahniuk

Pritpaul and Shane share a moment

This is the first of what will probably several wrap up posts on Clarion West 2008. I’ve still got a lot to digest and I don’t know where to start so these are notes, probably disjointed, that I’ve kept since my last post.

Every Friday night we had a party which was partly farewell to the departing instructor and partly party-on for the local Clarion West/Sci-fi community and partly for us to network and get to know people in the field.

The week 5 party was in Bellevue. We followed Caren over there so we wouldn’t get lost. (She’s local and also one of the best people to follow when driving because she doesn’t drive too fast and she uses her turn indicator so you can figure out what’s going on.)

Caren in the CW 08 Viking hat and Owen

We left the party at 10:30p on our own and used Kira’s GPS to get home. He’s named Oliver and he has an Australian accent. He doesn’t know Washington so when we had to get on Washington 520 he told us to get on Western Australia 520. He was awesome.

When I first arrived in Seattle I was wigged about driving because I’m a nervous driver to begin with and I hate driving in a place I don’t know and then we added a carload of people who need a ride into the mix. The first weekend I was like a 99 year old neurotic cat lady who lost her medication trying to get where we had to be and park and be on time and keep everyone alive and in one piece. Several of the same people were in my car for the last party, 6 weeks later, and they noticed that I was way more relaxed. However, during the whole 6 weeks there was only one outing where I didn’t have to make a U-turn.

An in the CW 08 Viking hat with Christopher looking on.

It was an interesting emotional arc I went through over those 6 weeks. I had a really hard time the first week. It was tough to get settled in. I could not sleep as everyone who has been keeping up with these posts knows. I never did get the sleep thing going. I started to envy my computer for the ease with which it went to sleep. I took a 2.5 hour nap the day I got home and slept 10.5 hours that night. I did only 8 hours last night and I’m feeling droopy now and may go lay down as soon as I finish this post.

After the first week I settled in and then I felt panicked about leaving because I couldn’t imagine that I’d ever want to leave my new friends and have to go back and work and cook my own food and do chores and not think about writing all the time.

Then by the end of week 5 I was done. I wanted my own bed, my own bathroom and my normal toilet paper. Sysco has the sorriest excuse for paper products in the known Universe. The paper towels also = doodoo. I wanted to take a shower in stall big enough to turn around in. I’m not a big person I could barely shampoo my hair without poking myself in the eye with my elbow. I wanted to be in charge of my own food supply. Boy it’s amazing how quickly good eating habits can go to pot. By the end, potato chips and peanut butter pretzels with red wine as a dinner alternative seemed perfectly acceptable.

I told Kira to try to look cute and she did.

When I prepared for the workshop I brought a bunch of ideas and I brought two stories that already had first drafts just in case I got in a panic, I would have something to fall back on. I got in a panic in week #6. One of the things we were encouraged to do is take risks and try things we’d never tried before. My first 4 stories had the same tone, setting, narrative style, etc. I was perfectly happy with my style but I thought I should at least try something different. Plus I did this structural trick which is too hard to explain here but which basically served to tie one hand behind my back.

I didn’t think I was going to be able to pull it off in time so I thought back to the two stories I’d brought with me. And I didn’t think either of those was good enough. My point being that after 5 weeks of the workshop I already thought I’d improved beyond stories that were barely a few months old. I have a stack of stuff for revisions. I have hope for them all.

In fact, this was a major lesson of the workshop that every story I panicked in the middle and thought was an unfixable disaster and all of them I managed to pull something out to put in front of the class.

Waiting at Chuck’s reading. L to R Front row: Maggie, Kristin, Owen, Caren, Eden, Raj and Tracy. Back Row starting with blue shirt: Jim, Carol, Kira and Douglas (They’re working on stories for Wednesday.)

Chuck Palahnuik was our week 6 teacher and by the time he arrived, I’d lost my ability to be intimidated. A huge contrast to the first week when everything intimidated me.

“I love rules,” he said. Here are some Chuck rules as best as I can decipher from my notebook:

Don’t use “to be” or “to have” — depict with a physical action.

No abstract words (e.g. big, nice, tall, great).

No intangibles (e.g. love, remember, desire, think, consider). Make everything tangible.

No screaming the world through your characters. (e.g. “She heard a bell ring.” Instead: “The bell rang.”)

Submerge your “I’s” This is when you’re writing in the first person you want to use as few “I’s” as you can. Try to convert to Mine or My. This was the only week I did a first person story because I don’t like to write in the first person and it took me HOURS to submerge my I’s. But I got a shout out for doing a good job on that.

This is harder to explain but Chuck wants you to know your character’s area of expertise — a consistent way the character notices things, gestures, reacts to things. Watch what is dramatized through gesture.

Never forward your plot through dialogue. This is the least effective way. The best way is through action/discovery.

Wed the ordinary everyday stuff to the situation in the story. Also using the ordinary to give the drama/horror/whatever more punch. I realize out of context some of this is worthless but I don’t know how to explain better.

Use props and items over and over rather than introducing new items. If the characters shows up on the first page with a set of steak knives, then bring the steak knives back. You don’t have to waste energy explaining new objects. Said another way: “Let objects do a job and not disappear.” Be aware of every object you put in.

Be open to trashing your work at any point in the process. Be willing to take a great idea and trash it and know that better ideas will come.

This isn’t all. He had tons of great stuff and he reinforced it all week during class.


(L to R) Standing in back: Carol, Carlton and Pritpaul. Next row: Kristin, Owen, Christopher, Maggie, Douglas, Raj, Kira, Shane and An; Front Row: Chuckles, Caren, Eden, Tracy, Jim, Me and Theresa.

Quotes from Chuck:

“I wish I could teach you to be a beautiful writer but I can’t. I can teach you how to trick people.”

“Look, they catch the sperm back in their penises. It’s like Cirque du Soleil.”

Chuck’s biggest advice: “Don’t stop writing. Be stubborn and determined.”

Quotes Not From Chuck:

“So you can take that with a huge mountain planet of salt.”

“I don’t know the crustacean anatomy that well.”

“I don’t necessarily agree but I don’t necessarily disagree.”

“It’s not necessarily necessary.”

“I think your audience for this is people who like creepy baby stories.”

“I was waiting for the speculum to be busted out. I don’t necessarily know what that is.”

“Can you build in redundant systems in case of reader failure?”

“I’m unsure what Dr. Vito was doing. Why would he facilitate the unbirthing unless it was the world’s longest plan to get laid?”

“Once a again you have written a powerful story that feels like a kick in the balls. I like this one better, possibly because it was a bit more pleasant kick in the balls.”

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Graduation

Today I went to the bank after our last class.

The bank teller said, “Did you go to a party? You have glitter in your hair.”

“No,” I said. “I just graduated from science fiction camp.”

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Actual email received from one of my classmates:

Pam,

I really wanted a steak. However, I’m glad An is going with you, because I only now realized the yogurt place will likely have a special sale this particular Thursday evening for its favorite customers. My frequent customer card has almost enough stamps on it to earn a free jumbo-sized oatmeal smoothie, so I might as well get that last stamp so I can use my card before returning to Texas.

Douglas

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Fortification

Burgermaster

I’m posting this for the benefit of the people who know me well so they can stare agog at the alien creature I’ve become.

For lunch today I had a cheeseburger, french fries and a shake.

For Kira (2)

Here’s another one for Kira.

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Clarion West Week 5

Smoke Shop

I turned in my week 5 story a day early so I would have extra time for what I said was going to be something different for week 6. But I’ve been running in place on the damn thing ever since and I’m not sure what to do. If I ditch it, I have to do it now and see if I can pull something together by Monday. Or I can keep grinding away and hope I have a breakthrough. I’m a little panicked right now.

I brought a couple of back-up stories with me but now I don’t think either of them are good enough. For my story I’ve made a major tone shift from what I usually do and I’m wondering if I can keep the story elements but switch back into my more comfortable tone. I don’t know. I’m tired and hungry and need a shower so I can’t decide right now.

I found new gray hair and I’m at Clarion West, coincidence?

For Kira
(Kira, I took this photo for you)

I keep going through all my clothes, thinking I’ll discover something I haven’t worn yet. I thought I brought a big selection but I’m tired of all of it.

I went back through my Clarion West posts and noticed I keep writing the same thing over and over about not sleeping and eating. I’ll skip those topics this week except to say that I’ve finally reached the point where I’m tired enough to fall asleep, to need the alarm and to take naps. Today I took an hour and a half-er that will go in the top 5 of my “Best Naps of My Lifetime So Far.”

Baby Ducks

Sheree kept a pretty easy schedule this week. She talked to us one day about submitting and markets other than speculative fiction. It was nice to have some time to regroup which makes me sad that I haven’t gotten anywhere on my story. argh.

Here are a few quotes not just from this week but the whole workshop:

“The attention to the social structure that makes you the Jane Austen of middle-aged small-town American zombie stories.”

“So, why does he give her life? Is he just a warlock dicking around with nothing else to do on a Sunday night?”

“Loretta’s scalp does a lot of work in this story. It tightens, prickles, and gets cold. I thought she might just need a different shampoo.”

“Understand the slush pile–the native habitat of your manuscript.” (Cory)

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