I think to myself, there has got to be something to write about besides complaining about the weather, the traffic or my woes with hair care products. But I have nothing so I avoid this place.
Today I’m going to complain that both FoodDay (Oregonian) AND Dining Out (NYT) sucked mighty cheese this week. The Food section is the best part of the papers. Whenever I’m freaking out about the piles of newspaper in the dining room (generous word for what is essentially a nook between the kitchen and living room) I realize that if we got rid of the papers, I would not have my regular food section fix.
The Oregonian’s two main articles this week were on (1) cooking with kids (the kids help you cook, you don’t cook the kids) and (2) throwing together a quick meal when you happen to bump into your neighbor at the mailbox and begin visiting and decide to have them over to dinner. (Like that would ever happen to me.)
They sell the whole kids in the kitchen thing as an alternative to watching TV and go on about how the kid can learn math, science and hand-eye coordination. Who wants someone without hand-eye coordination in the kitchen? And they have helpful hints like giving the kids age-appropriate tasks. Really? You mean I shouldn’t hand Luis the electric knife and tell him to go to town on the roast chicken? Or toss Josa a blow torch and instruct her to finish off the CrÃ¨me brÃ»lÃ©e?
The “drop by” dinner article is equally educational. Either you can throw together a dinner from what you have on hand or you can’t. A recipe like smoked oyster spread is not going to save you (or really make much of a meal). The spread is made with: cream cheese, mayo, garlic, soy sauce, fresh parsley and a can of smoked oysters. There are only 2 ingredients on that list that I have on hand: garlic and soy sauce. That’s not going to get me far. Another recipe calls for a pound of bacon, another anchovy fillets. Raise your hand if these are the kinds of items you always have on hand to whip up a quick dinner for company.
Dining Out was equally worthless this week. The Minimalist, which I cut out almost every single week, was talking about some sort of tuna burger. Gross. I hate tuna. I hate how it smells. I hate how it tastes. My spouse has to turn on every fan in the house and eat quickly by the window if he wants tuna — even if I’m not around.
But the item that really had my head spinning was the article about a personal chef for babies. Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently babies are turning their noses up at those jarred baby foods and their mothers are too busy with their glamorous lives to fix something themselves, so they can get vacuum-packed and/or frozen baby foods from a personal chef. A black and white photo that accompanies the article, shows frozen lumps and tells us that designer baby food includes spices like coriander. yah-fuking-hoo Doesn’t this make you fear for the future of America? At least a little bit?
Does anyone else remember reading The Time Machine by H.G. Wells in 7th grade? It’s been awhile so my details may be a bit off but as I recall in the future world there was a race of fragile, pampered worthless “people” who floated around doing nothing and another race of big tough “people” who had to do all the work and were pissed off. Doesn’t this seem like it could be happening?