In Search of the Gullible

Last night someone knocked on the door about the time I was sitting down to dinner and my fresh disks of The 4400 (season 2) that I have to power through before the new season starts on Sunday. This on top of my very heavy soccer watching schedule that begins tomorrow for World Cup. (Bob was not home.)

It’s my general policy to ignore it when someone knocks on the door because unless I’m expecting someone, it’s NEVER anyone I want to talk to. Plus, I was half in my pajamas because I’d spilled something on my pants and shucked them off then and there and tossed them in the wash. But stupidly, I answered the door anyway.

It’s a guy who based purely on appearance and demeanor, seems to be a regular type guy. There is a truck in the driveway with a guy sitting in the passenger seat, looking like he wants to go home so it at least seems that they’re not going door-to-door.

Guy: You been having problems with your roof leaking?

Me: No.

[A number of years ago during a huge storm parts of our roof blew off. I was going to link to the story but apparently it’s not here anymore. I’ll put it back up later. The damaged part was replaced with different tiles so we have what Bob refers to as a “two toned roof.” I knew this was what he saw but we’ve had no problems with the roof since then.]

Guy: I noticed you have the new tiles up. We’re working on your neighbor’s roof, Mr. [something]? Driving by. Thought we could help you out.

Me thinking: The old “we were just driving by” coupled with the old “we’re working for your neighbor”, who I’ve never heard of, ploys. I try to think if I’ve seen a new roof go up lately.

Me: We’re not having any problems with the roof. There was a storm and part of it blew back.

Guy: How much they charge you for that?

Me thinking: I hate it when sales people ask how much I pay for something. There is no reason on the planet that you need to know that unless you’re going to use it against me as part of your sales script.

Me: I don’t know. (also true) Insurance took care of it.

Guy: (dubiously) You the property owner?

Me thinking: Yes Cletus, I am the fuking property owner.

Me (a few sparks flying out of my ears): Yes.

Guy: I could fix that for you make it look real nice. $8,000.

Me (sparks are now little flames): Why would I fix something that isn’t broken?

Guy: I noticed on the other side that its aging. That’s why it blew off.

Me thinking: OH! So now we’ve gone from “did you have a problem with a leak?” to “I know the entire story of your roof which I have observed from your front yard.”

Me: (flames erupting from ears, nostrils and a general halo of flames around my head.) That’s not why the roof blew off. Did you want to leave a card?

Guy: I gave the last one away. I’m licensed and bonded.

Me thinking: congrad-u-fuking-lations.

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