Watermelon Waterfall

Watermelon Waterfall
Yeah, sure that makes a nice picture but it wasn’t so nice if you were there.

Let me start with the beginning of the day, which was quite nice. Bob and I decided to go into Portland to do a bunch of various errands/activities. We went to brunch at Dragonfish. We haven’t been there in a long time and always find it yummy and we both had fancy cocktails in a tall tiki cup and we felt like we were getting away with something, like we were on vacation until we decided: Every day is vacation.

From there we headed for the mall to Eddie Bauer to use a gift certificate. Did you know there are about 13 trillion kinds of jeans? Different colors, washes, denims, cuts, waists, lengths — too many choices. I chose boot cut even though I don’t have a boot. Bob got jeans, too and a bunch of clearance stuff. They had some deal going where we got 30% off the clearance price plus 50% off the second pair of jeans and since we spent more than $75 we got a $25 gift card to use next month. I’m not sure how they make money. They also offered us an additional discount if we opened a charge card. Jesus Christ, enough with the charge cards already. I don’t know where I’ve shopped lately where they weren’t shoving a charge card down my throat.

On our way back to the car to drop stuff off, we stopped at the coffee place that starts with S and ends UCKS b/c Bob wanted an ice tea or mocha-frappe-tea or whatever $4.00 alcohol-free product they’re pimping this month. While we were standing there a parade went by and I ran outside to see what it was about. It was a “don’t test on animals” parade. Those animal lovers are a busy lot. Last time I was downtown on a not workday there was a “no fur” parade.

Next stop, Multnomah Library. They are doing a big thing with Native American authors in August and September in honor of a new research collection of Native American Fiction. We went to see our friend Liz Woody read and talk about writing and books. After browsing the library we decided we’d had enough and headed into miserable traffic which I guess is a regular feature in the afternoons even on the weekends. We arrived home blissed with our otherwise wonderful day.

What we didn’t know, was that our kitchen was about to turn on us. Last weekend I made peach gelato which was godhead so I wanted to try another gelato this weekend. Priscilla wanted to get a watermelon at the Farmers Market and for some reason was attracted to a 21 pounder which we split. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try making some of it into gelato seeing as how I had a half a dinosaur egg taking up space in the fridge. While I de-seeded (un-seeded?) a food processor bowl full of watermelon, Bob prepared our stuffed peppers that we also bought at the market. I whipped up my watermelon and left it in the processor bowl because right then dinner was ready.

We sat down to our peppers from our favorite food vendor at the market — the guy is one of Bob’s former students. I took one bite and the rice was hard. Also the meat looked a bit pink. Do you stuff peppers with raw materials? Bob decided to cook them more so I went back to my watermelon and [long string of obscenities omitted]! It had overflowed the bowl and ran down the counter. Watermelon juice — what is stickier than watermelon juice? (Okay, probably honey, but what else?)

It ran into every drawer — the utensil drawer, the ziploc baggie drawer, the drawer with pieces of the mixers and processors and doo-dads AND the cloth napkin/placemat drawer. And not like dribbled. Like pooled. Plus on the floor. I had to dismantle everything and wipe it off (Bob helped) and in the process EVERYTHING got damp with watermelon juice. Meanwhile, we had the second round of peppers and I still wasn’t convinced this was ready to eat. I wasn’t there when the cooking instructions were given but I can’t imagine what we could have done different. It was too scary, I wouldn’t eat it.

I went back to mopping up my sticky kitchen and tossed what was left of my watermelon into the ice cream maker. At this point the sound of the ice cream maker made me want to brain somebody so I quit about the time it was watermelon milkshake. Nothing to write home about.

Later Bob grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and another glass hopped out and shattered on the counter and floor. An exorcist is coming tomorrow.

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