The guys first time wearing their new third kits.
I’m still too traumatized to talk about the game last night so I’ll tell you about the guy who sat next to me.
There’s something like 12,000 season tickets. I think most of the tickets around us are season tickets but there is only a handful of people who go to all the games like we do.
Three guys I’ve never met before sat in the seats next to us. They were kinda rowdy, especially the guy next to me, we’ll call him Jason, who was loud. Jason told me he normally sits with Army and how he was all hardcore and apologized and said he liked to be noisy.
I told him I was happy to have a rowdy guy next to me because I yell quite a bit myself. We also took note that there was a kid in the row in front of us and adjusted our cheers accordingly.
At one point Jason pointed to one of the Timbers and said: That’s the news guy. He’s from Cameroon.
Me: Actually, that’s Palmer. He’s from Jamaica.
Jason: Oh. I guess it is Palmer.
Later in the game he pointed to a different player and said: That’s the new guy. From Cameroon.
Me: That’s Jean-Baptiste. He’s from New Jersey.
Jason: What a coincidence. I’m from New Jersey.
(I just checked the bio and it says Jean-Baptiste was born in Brooklyn. So I was wrong, too, but at least I had the right country and even the right general area.)
Me: Songo’o is the one from Cameroon.
(We have a guy on our team with an apostrophe O in his name. Is that awesome or what?)
Then, when a bad thing happened near the end of the game, Jason stood up and said, “We’re leaving. I am not enjoying this.” And they left.
What a big fat soul-patched lemon-in-his-hefeweizen ironic-eyewear fair-weather faker! He better not show up in my section again.