CREEM is the only magazine to ever print letters to the editor worth reading. They were hilarious and came in two categories. Irate letters from people who didn’t get the magazine (more on this in a future post) and loopy letters from crazy people. I had two published.
The first one was published in the February ’87 issue with David Byrne on the cover.
Mantle of Shame Descendeth Again!
What's the problem? One issue he is worthy of your most generous accolades, the next month, Alpo. I'm talking about a veritable icon of metal music and rock hero of our time, David Lee Roth. OK, so Christgau gave him a B+. Altman's impertinent commentary on the "Yankee Rose" video--wardrobe stolen from Stryper? Please! Gene Simmons might note the influence, but I say it's just coincidence. C'mon Billy, the guy has 400 pairs of tights. Quit nit-picking.
And what is Rick Johnson's problem? I'm all for employing the brain-damaged, but let them do something harmless--like host Wheel of Fortune. And the lousiest album he's heard in years? And he backs up this grandiose allegation by grumbling about lawn chairs and commemorative spoons. Just who pays this guy anyway? The album is great and the musicians are the best and Rick-John sucks! And not to change the subject, but what happened to Def Leppard? I don't want to be unsympathetic, but I think they've gotten enough mileage out of the ol' Rick Allen's arm excuse. They should call their next album Who? or, better yet, Who Cares? I'm sick of waiting for this mythical album. Entire civilizations have been known to rise, fall and disintegrate into dozens of solo projects in the time it's taken those bozos with their crummy record.
I wrote “veritable rock icon” — can you believe it? I loathe the word “vertiable” – it stinks of “too lazy to find a good word.”
They supplied the title. The letter is in response to Roth’s Eat ‘Em and Smile that I did buy but never listened to a whole lot. It wasn’t such a great album. I was going to include a link to his official website but it’s lame so don’t bother. You can see I’m not so loyal to Dave anymore. But I was fanatical on everything Van Halen and DLR back in the day.
A lot of this letter is in-jokes that only a person who read and re-read the magazine (or edited it) would get. I’d explain them to you but I can’t remember.
The Def Leppard thing has to do with the endless wait after Pyromania, which came out in 1983 and I kid you not, I probably heard that record 2000 times. I listened to it once a day for over a year. Hysteria came out in August of 1987 and promted another letter to CREEM which I will find and post later but now I’m hideously late and must get my overfed Thanksgiving ass on the move.